The Cullens Hit the Slopes
by Edward'sDangerMagnet
Summary: When you can live forever, where do you go on vacation? The Cullens head out west to enjoy some quality family time on the ski slopes. But what kind of trouble can eight vampires, one vampire/human, and one werewolf get into on the mountain? Canon couples
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hey everybody! This is my first legit story on FF, and I'm really just looking for a little feedback. I'm interested in writing more stories after this one, but I need to see how I"m received. I have half of this story finished, so if y'all like this chapter, I"ll be quick to put up the rest. PLEASE let me know what you think!!

**Chapter 1**

_BPOV_

"Edward, did you pack Renesmee's gloves?" I called down the hall.

"Yes, they're already in her bag," he replied, walking into our living room. I looked up at my husband and smiled. We were both excited about this trip – our first as a complete family.

Apparently the Cullens were frequent skiers, and now that I was officially part of the family, it was time for me to join them for the annual trip to Big Sky, Montana. They owned a beautiful mountain chalet just off the slopes, and it was big enough for the eight of us, plus Jacob and Renesmee, to spend two weeks.

When I was a human, I had not been the most athletic or coordinated of my peers. But during one of Renee's short obsessions with alpine skiing, she convinced me to try it out. We only went a few times, but that was enough for me to discover that skiing just might be the one exception to my eternal klutziness. Of course I fell, a lot, but the parts when I wasn't falling were exhilarating enough for me to forget about the spills I took. Renee never took to it well, so the obsession was short-lived. I regretted that fact, and wished I had been able to spend more time with it, but Renee was already on to her next thing. I gave up willingly, and was resigned to the fact that I had had my fun and wouldn't be able to give it another shot.

After becoming a vampire, however, all that changed. I discovered that the Cullens were enthusiastic skiers, and with our inability to feel cold, amazing coordination, raw strength, super senses, and need for speed…I could easily imagine why. They all knew I was excited about the trip, but only Edward knew the full extent of my anticipation. He loved that there was something I actually conceded I could be somewhat good at, and that there was something more we could now do together.

So, here we were, our bags packed and ready to go. Everyone was waiting for us in the main house, except for Renesmee, who was finishing packing her backpack. Edward and I walked into her room.

"Renesmee? Are you ready?" I asked.

"Yeah, mom. Let's go," she answered as she walked up to us carrying her bag. It had been a little over a year since the incident with the Volturi, and Renesmee now looked about seven years old. We guessed that her mental age was about fifteen. She and Jake were still in the "friend" stage, but Renesmee was now beginning to understand something of their relationship. Jacob knew, thanks to many warnings from Edward and myself, that he had absolutely no hope of a real relationship with her until she was at least physically fifteen. He had no problem with this – I will never understand how imprinting works. Jacob was with us nearly all the time now, and though his and Rosalie's relationship was still on the rocks, the rest of the Cullens had become rather fond of him. It made sense that he would accompany us on this trip, because we all knew that Jacob couldn't be away from Renesmee. He arranged to temporarily leave the pack, and there were enough rooms in the mountain chalet for him to comfortably have his own. And so we were set for the perfect family vacation, and as Edward took Renesmee's and my hands in his own, we exited our cottage and made our way to the main house.

We entered the living room through the back door, and Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Jacob, and Jasper were spread around, occupied in various last-minute pursuits. They greeted us as we entered, and Renesmee immediately ran to Jacob.

"Are you excited, Nessie?" Jacob asked her.

"Duh, Jake! I can't wait…I love snow!!" she replied.

"Me, too!!" All heads turned towards the stairs as Emmett boisterously descended, decked out in full cold weather attire. His outfit was complete with fur boots, ski goggles, and a giant parka that made him look like the Michelin man on steroids.

Rosalie groaned and threw her head back in frustration. "Not again, Emmett. You DON'T need that stuff! WE DON'T GET COLD!"

"But we have to blend in, right? We'd look pretty stupid wearing swimsuits out there on the slopes, huh, Rose?" He grinned wildly.

Edward shuddered at my side and I looked at him questioningly. "He's picturing Rose in that swimsuit," he grimaced. I chuckled and looked back to Emmett.

"Heck yeah, I am! On second thought, that might not be a bad idea…" Emmett pondered.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Save it, Emmett. There's always the hot tub."

Emmett's grin grew even wider. "Sweet!" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Rose. Edward shuddered again, and I squeezed his hand. I didn't want to know what Emmett was thinking, or Rose for that matter.

"Emmett is right – wardrobe is always important!" Alice exclaimed as she danced down the staircase. Her outfit wasn't as outrageous as Emmett's but it was complete with an Eskimo-ish parka and fur boots. She seemed to glare at me as she made the statement, as if to emphasize the fact that I was wearing a simple flannel shirt and jeans…again. I sighed. "But don't worry, BELLA, your proper wardrobe is already packed and in the car," she smirked at me. Now it was Edward's turn to squeeze my hand encouragingly. I had pretty much given up on trying to resist Alice. I realized that the less I complained, the less of a fuss she made. Besides, I always approved of the end result anyway, and so did Edward, even though he would never admit that the level of perfection I exhibited in jeans and a t-shirt could ever be improved upon.

Alice flitted over to Jasper, and, taking his hand, dragged him out the door. The rest of us followed, and soon we were loaded into the cars. Because of the amount of luggage, all the couples were taking separate cars. Carlisle and Esme exited the garage first, in Carlisle's Mercedes, followed by Jasper and Alice in her Porsche, Rose and Emmett in his jeep (it took a lot of convincing for Rose to leave her BMW behind, but Emmett "talked" her into it), Jacob and Renesmee in Edward's Aston Martin, and finally Edward and I in his Volvo. Jacob loved Edward's Aston Martin because of the speed, and for many other reasons that I couldn't understand – Jake was the mechanic, not me. We had decided to drive because in the past, the family had always flown, and we wanted a change. Emmett was pumped – "ROAD TRIP!!", and it wouldn't take as long as usual because we didn't need sleep. We planned on alternating drivers because Renesmee and Jacob needed to rest, and it wasn't really a road trip unless you got to spend some time with everyone. Alice had the schedule all worked out, and even though I would have rather flown, being cooped up in a car with Edward for hours on end was a kind of heaven for me.

Even after all the time we had spent together, Edward and I still couldn't seem to get enough of each other. We reveled in the fact that nothing could separate us anymore – not my death, not Jacob, and not the Volturi. The days weren't long enough to satisfy my need for my family, and the nights weren't long enough to satisfy my need for…him. The rest of our loving family, Emmett especially, still enjoyed teasing us as much as possible, but Emmett wasn't allowed to do it in front of Charlie, at least (a result of my domination in that arm wrestling match…). Now that Renesmee could somewhat understand what was going on, Emmett took every chance to tease her about us. Living in a family full of happily married vampires, however, had desensitized her somewhat, but she still ran screaming from Emmett's comments. Jacob thought it was absolutely hilarious, and frequently joined in on Emmett's jabs. Even though it pissed me off, I couldn't help but be relieved that Jake's and my relationship was purely friendship now. I sighed happily, and Edward looked over at me questioningly.

Over time, and with much practice, I had learned to control my shield much more easily. This came in handy when Edward and I were in public and needed to communicate, or in front of the family and wanted to annoy people. It also proved helpful in other instances… Now, I concentrated and pushed the elastic away from myself, focusing on the reasons for my intense happiness. I looked at him, smiling, and was rewarded with my favorite sight in the world – Edward's breathtakingly beautiful crooked grin. "You never cease to amaze me, love," he commented as he reached over to take my hand, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb. The electricity that passed between us every time we touched had not lessened over the years; in fact, it had heightened since my transformation. I smiled again, letting my shield snap back into place. His lower lip jutted out slightly, upset that I couldn't hold it for longer.

"I'm working on it, Edward. And though you tell me you do want to hear everything that ever goes through my head, I still enjoy thinking to myself." I chided him.

"I know, I know, Bella. Thank you for trying as much as you do." His face was that of utter adoration.

I chuckled. "My pleasure. So tell me – what am I in for on this trip? It seems harmless enough, but I know Emmett well enough to suspect differently."

Edward laughed. "Alright, love, I'll fill you in. Sure, Emmett will be Emmett, but we'll have other things to worry about as well."

I eyed him skeptically, wondering what else there could be to worry about.

"Over the years," he continued, "this trip has turned into sort of a competition. It started out simple - who can make it to the bottom first and who can hit the most runs in a day, stuff like that. But it got more intense when the events became a little more violent – who can knock the most Cullens over while remaining upright, who can cover the fallen in the most snow, who can hit the most trees without damaging their equipment, who can cause the most avalanches…obviously, most of these events required the cover of darkness. But that wasn't all – the competition branched out to involve other activities: pranks and such. Carlisle and Esme stepped in to mediate after a few incidents with the ski patrol, and when the hot tub exploded (Emmett), they decided some rules were definitely in order. Everything that could attract the ski patrol or law enforcement is out of bounds, as well as anything that could harm the house or ski lifts. Emmett was severely put out, of course, but the competition continued. At the end of the trip, there's no winner or anything, but we all walk away with some good laughs. Now that you, Renesmee, and Jacob are coming…let's just say the rest of them can hardly contain their excitement. Emmett's been scheming for weeks, and they all have their own little plans of revenge for the last time, and initiation for the three of you. I promise I'll do my best to protect you, but you have to remember – it's six against two."

I exhaled deeply. I should have known. Well, what are you gonna do? I was a vampire now. I could hold my own. "Are you OK with this, Bella? We can always stay home, or maybe take our own trip somewhere…" Edward responded to my silence.

"No, no, Edward, I can handle this. I'm always up for a little healthy competition…" I chuckled nervously.

"Are you sure, love? It might be a bit much for you…" Edward continued.

"Don't be silly. I'll be fine. Thanks for telling me, though." I responded.

He looked at me worriedly, shaking his head. "Alright, Bella. I'll protect you, don't forget that."

I laughed. "How could I forget that? Even now that I don't need protecting…"

"Oh, you'll always need protecting. I would know. Danger magnet, remember?" he replied.

I rolled my eyes. "So, while we've got this drive ahead of us, maybe we could come up with some plans of our own? Maybe Emmett's met his match…"

He laughed. "Alright, so I was thinking…"

As we drove, we plotted. I was getting warmed up to this whole competition idea. I was secure in my skiing abilities, at least, and Emmett (amongst others) was long due for some payback. Edward had some ideas of his own – he'd been scheming just as much as the rest of them, I could tell. The closer we got, the more excited I got.

So, I, Bella the vampire, was headed on a ski trip with seven other vampires, one half vampire – half human, and one werewolf. The whole thing was a competition, and we had two weeks to get ultimate revenge on each other. What could go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hey y'all! I've only gotten a few responses about the story, but I have plenty of chapters written so I'm just gonna go ahead and post this next one. I hope everybody is liking it so far - please let me know! I love to hear suggestions too. Are my chapters too short, too long, too descriptive, not descriptive enough...? OOH, even better - I'm not sure how the whole beta thing works but I'd LOVE to have one. Anybody up for it? Also, if anybody has ideas for possible pranks I'm sure I could squeeze them in. All you have to do is let me know!! Now, on with the story...

ALSO: I do not own Twilight or Edward or anyone, for that matter. Actually, I believe that's illegal in most states...

**Chapter 2**

_BPOV_

As I expected, the chalet was beautiful. Set into the side of the mountain, overlooking the slopes, ski in and ski out of course… With Esme, I wouldn't dream of anything less. The garage was separate from the house, with more than enough room for five cars.

Edward and I were unpacking in our room, which was complete with a west-facing glass wall. The suite was gorgeous, of course - huge, with a gigantic closet and a massive bathroom, complete with Jacuzzi. It wasn't ornately furnished, however, because Esme knew I wouldn't approve of such. The entire chalet possessed a rustic feel, perfect for the mountain atmosphere.

We finished unpacking, the whole time laughing and scoffing at the overabundance of clothes (packed by Alice, of course) that I would never wear. We both brought ski suits, hats, goggles, and gloves – Emmett was right about having to fit in. Though we wouldn't have to wear much underneath the suits, we had to at least try to make it look like we could get cold. I was excited about the prospect of being able to ski without worrying about getting frozen. When I had skied as a human, that had been my worst problem. I wouldn't even truly need the gloves, much less hand warmers! We also needed the clothes for more reasons – though cloud cover was common, we needed to be shielded in case the sun made an appearance. Wouldn't want any humans catching sight of eight sparkling vampires, getting distracted, and hitting trees, now would we? That would be a tough one to explain.

I walked over towards the glass wall and stared at the breathtaking splendor of snow-covered trees and slopes. The mountains were simply beautiful…

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I asked, leaning back into him.

"It's alright," he said, "but I wouldn't use the word beautiful…"

"Not with you standing here in comparison," we both finished at the same time. We chuckled.

"Where have I heard that one before?" I pretended to wonder. He smiled his crooked smile.

"I thought I could get away with using it again…it is the truth, you know." He nuzzled my neck.

"That's why I was saying it to you," I turned, looking him in his beautiful topaz eyes.

He sighed. "Do you have ANY idea how much I love you Bella?"

"I think I might…if it's anything near as much as I love you." I replied.

He smiled again, putting his hand under my chin and pulling me into a kiss. Oh, how I love this boy. As per usual, the outside world began to fade away, and there was nothing that mattered but Edward and me. That is, until the door flew open with a bang. We didn't have to look up to realize who it was.

"Get a room, you two!" Emmett yelled from the doorway.

"They did, you moron. Let's go," Rosalie grabbed Emmett by his ear as she passed. "We're meeting in the living room, Bellward! Knock it off and get down here!" she called, pulled Emmett down the stairs.

We reluctantly let go of each other, laughing at Rosalie's nickname for us. Alice came up with it, of course, on a whim that we should all have celebrity couple names. We were "Bellward" (thank goodness we talked her out of "Bedward"), Alice and Jasper were "Jalice", Rosalie and Emmett were "Rosammett", and Carlisle and Esme were "Eslisle". "Renescob" was ready and waiting to be used once Jake and Renesmee were officially a couple. Yeah, we knew they sounded kind of tacky, but since the Cullen couples were always together, it actually was easier to refer to couples in one unit, instead of two different names.

Edward let go of all of me except my hand, and we sped out of our suite and down the stairs to the living room. It was enormous, obviously, and dominated by a giant rock fireplace in the center of the we didn't need the heat, Esme enjoyed it for décor purposes, and the boys still loved to play with fire, even though it could be the "death" of them. The couches were centered around the fireplace, and as Edward and I entered we saw that they were filled with the rest of our family already. Emmett looked at us and wiggled his eyebrows, and Rose smacked the back of his head. If I could still blush, I would have. Since I couldn't, however, I let Edward lead me to a large chair right next to the fireplace. He sat down, placed me in his lap, and turned his attention to Carlisle, who was still standing.

"Alright, everyone. It's too late today to _legally_ hit the slopes, and since all the lifts are already closed, do we have any suggestions as to what we should do?" Carlisle asked.

"Shopping, duh," Alice announced, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I want to build a snowman!" Renesmee proclaimed, looking at Jacob, whose face showed he was already resigned to the plan.

"Snowball fight! Yankees versus Confederates!" Jasper suggested, looking at Emmett with a gleam in his eye.

Emmett responded by jumping up from his seat, effectively dumping Rose on the couch. "You're going down, you Rebel scum!"

"Whoa, Emmett. Keep it calm," Carlisle reasoned, eyeing Jasper. The hostile atmosphere previously occupying the room was replaced with a calm one. Carlisle nodded his head. "So, we could choose one of these activities for tonight, or we could split up…"

"We have to have the snowball fight now!! I've been waiting all year!" Emmett whined.

"So I guess that means the hot tub can wait then, huh?" Rosalie commented, pretending to stare at her nails. Emmett's reaction was hilarious. He was obviously torn between using his strength to dominate Jasper and sitting in a hot tub with a half-naked Rose. It was almost painful to watch. It seemed like this was the most excruciating decision he had ever had to make… The rest of us attempted to stifle our laughter as Rose watched Emmett with an expectant expression covering her smile.

"Aaaahhhh! Not fair, Rosie! Why do you do this to me?? I can't decide…I can't decide…" Emmett looked like he was about to have an aneurysm, if that were possible.

"Don't get your panties in a wad, Emmett, I'll wait until you and Jasper play your little game," Rosalie conceded.

"That's why I love you, Rosie!" Emmett grinned, planting a big wet kiss on Rose's lips. "Let's go, Jazzy!"

He and Jasper sprinted outside, after being warned by Esme to, as always, respect the property and the surrounding wilderness. Like that would stop them once they got going…

"Since Jazz and Em are otherwise occupied, Rose, let's hit the shops!" Alice screamed, grabbing Rose and her purse at the same time and heading out the door.

"Jakey, you promised, remember?" Renesmee cooed, placing her palm on Jake's cheek, probably replaying the scene in his mind just to remind him of his promise.

"Of course, Nessie. Put on your jacket and things and we'll go out and build you that snowman," Jake sighed. I knew he secretly wanted to build one himself, but he would never admit it. I wondered how he would do it – because of his body temperature, every piece of snow he touched would automatically melt. Gloves, maybe?

"That's fine, Renesmee, just try to stay clear of your Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper, OK, honey?" I called after them. Edward eyed Jacob, communicating wordlessly that he had better listen to my warning. Jake nodded before being pulled out the door as well, leaving only Edward, myself, and…Eslisle.

Esme grabbed Carlisle's hand. "I want to show you the blueprints I just finished for the new addition. I was thinking we could…" with a quick smile cast in our direction, Eslisle disappeared up the stairs.

"Well, we sure know how to clear a room, don't we, love?" Edward commented, looking down at me.

"I don't mind, do you?" I smiled up at him.

"Of course not. What would you like to do?" he asked.

I thought about that for a second, then my mind hit upon the perfect idea. "Since Rosammett isn't around, how about we take that hot tub for a test drive?"

"That's what I hoped you'd say," he smiled before jumping up and sweeping me off bridal style to our suite.

We changed quickly and were in the hot tub in no time. Of course, the experience wasn't quite the same as it was when I was human, but once you turn up the temperature and put the jets on high, it's still a great feeling. Especially when you're enjoying it with someone like Edward… Not to mention the spectacular view from the porch where the hot tub was. Not only could we see the general splendor of the mountains, but we also got a great view of Renesmee and Jacob's snowman-building and Emmett and Jasper's Civil War reenactment.

With the proper gloves, Jacob's temperature wasn't a hindrance to the building of the snowman. They both were laughing and joking and having a great time – it was cute to watch.

Over time, Edward and I had gotten used to the fact that Jacob imprinted on our daughter. After the initial shock and disgust wore off, Edward began to think of Jacob as a son. He trusted Jake, finally, and that was immensely relieving for me. I can't even begin to count how many hours I was distracted by Edward and Jacob's feud during my human life. It was so distressing… Thank goodness it's over now.

Now that we could all coexist peacefully, all the stress was gone. I still loved Jake, of course, but in the right way – and now so did Edward. It was sweet, really. Though we weren't exactly looking forward to the day Renesmee would be old enough to truly be in a relationship with Jacob, it was a comfort to know that Jake would take care of her, without a doubt.

And so our attention turned to the Battle of Big Sky, the latest battle of the American Civil War. Jasper represented the Confederacy, of course, and Emmett represented the Union. Not that Emmett was naturally partial to the Union, but he enjoyed anything that could potentially irritate Jasper.

And so the battle raged on at lightening speed; Emmett and Jasper pummeled each other with deadening accuracy and immeasurable power. Most of the snowballs they threw at each other probably would have killed a human. As they ducked and dodged through the forest, I hoped that they wouldn't leave any lasting damage.

Throughout the entire battle, they continued to shout battle cries and hurl insults at one another. Jasper's rebel yell was truly frightening, and his frequent cries of "The South will rise again!" were practically dripping with his long-lost southern accent. Emmett insulted the South and screamed obscenities at the top of his lungs, all the while praising the omniscience of Abraham Lincoln and General Grant. Every now and then, we could faintly hear "The Yellow Rose of Texas" and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" floating through the trees.

After a few hours, a rebel flag was planted in the back yard next to Renesmee and Jacob's snowman, who was dubbed "Stonewall Jackson".

Jasper skipped past us into the house whistling "Dixie", followed by a pouting Emmett, who stomped through the door muttering something about "you guys lost the war anyway, I don't see why it matters now…stupid rebel…" Once he was safely inside, Edward and I burst out laughing. Emmett stuck his head back out to glare at us menacingly, and we immediately shut up.

Soon enough, Rosammett joined us in the hot tub. One look at Edward's face told me we had better vacate it before it became a scene for another one of their escapades…

Inside, Jasper was attempting to brag to Alice about his recent victory, and Alice was trying to show him all of her purchases. Seeing as how Alice already knew Jasper would win, her enthusiasm wasn't at quite the level he wanted it. He settled for pretending to be interested in the bags and bags of clothes and other things she didn't need.

We rolled our eyes and laughed at Jalice…they were absolutely perfect for each other in every way. Renesmee and Jacob were in the kitchen eating supper alone, seeing as how the rest of us didn't need to eat. At least not the type of food we'd find in the kitchen.

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully, seeing as how the number one prankster was otherwise occupied…thank goodness. After making sure Renesmee was sound asleep, Edward and I retreated to our room and commenced our usual nighttime pursuits.

What did you think? Still boring, I know, but things are about to get crazy...Let me know! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Hey y'all! I didn't get many responses on the last chapter, but I'm gonna keep posting anyway...even though the feedback is AWESOME. Things are about to get more exciting around here...so listen up and REVIEW once you finish!!

Me: Hey Steph?  
Stephenie: Yeah, what's up?  
Me: So, I was wondering...could I just borrow Edward real fast?  
Stephenie: Well...I guess I'm not using him RIGHT now. Will you promise to give him back?  
Me: Of course!  
Stephenie: As long as you remember you don't own him...or any of my other characters. And clean him up before you give him back.  
Me: Definately! And you'll need him back soon, right, because you need him to finish MIDNIGHT SUN, right Steph? *wink wink nudge nudge*  
Stephenie: Uh, sure. Now get on with the story. Your readers are waiting.  
Me: Yes ma'am! *takes Edward's hand* Come along, Edward...

**Chapter 3**

_BPOV_

The breaking dawn over the snow-covered trees and slopes was absolutely spectacular. The way the sun hit each flake of snow and reflected reminded me of the way Edward dazzled in the sun, and I was surprised at how my eyes could see each one so perfectly. Edward and I disentangled from each other and walked to the glass wall, smiling as we watched the sun reflect off each other as well.

"But, Edward, we can't go out in the sun! It will be impossible to keep every inch of skin covered all day," I worried aloud.

Edward tilted his head to the side, as if listening to something I couldn't hear. "Don't worry, love. According to Alice, the clouds will cover up the sun any minute now," he reassured me.

We continued to watch, and, sure enough, the sun slowly disappeared behind the cloud cover. It was still bright outside, of course, but the sun wasn't visible to expose us. Edward and I reluctantly left the window and entered our massive closet.

"Alice is ridiculous. How am I ever going to wear any of this?" I complained, exasperated.

"Just keep appeasing her, love. You know she's never going to stop," Edward chuckled. "As for what you should wear today, remember that trick I taught you?"

I smiled at him and proceeded to sniff out a long-sleeved cotton tee. We both pulled on our ski pants and Edward found a cotton shirt similar to mine. We grabbed our jackets, hats, goggles, and gloves and headed downstairs to meet up with everyone.

Renesmee and Jacob were in the kitchen eating breakfast. The smell of eggs filled the house with its disgusting odor. Renesmee still didn't prefer human food to blood, but as she grew older she realized that it proved easier to fit in when she could just suck it up and eat it. Edward and I greeted them with a "good morning", and made our way to the room situated just inside the front door. All of our skis, boards, boots, and poles were stored here.

Though most of us could ski as well as snowboard, we all had our preferences. Edward skied – he loved the speed that came easier with skis. I skied as well; that was all I knew, and personally, I thought snowboarding was tacky (well, not so much tacky as ridiculous. Who has that kind of balance, even as a vampire?). Carlisle skied, and so did Esme, though Esme preferred to board sometimes. Alice, Emmett, and Rose boarded, and Jasper skied. Jacob was going to try both, seeing as how he'd never attempted either before. Renesmee was going to be attending ski school, and we all felt sure she'd be a natural. Jake wanted to go with her, claiming that he needed the lessons as much as she did, but we all knew he just refused to let her out of his sight.

Jasper, Carlisle and Esme were already seated on the benches putting on their boots. They greeted us as we walked in.

"Where's Alice?" I asked, not seeing her present.

"Where do you think?" replied Jasper. "Assembling the perfect outfit."

"And it is perfect, isn't it?" Alice called, eyeing Jasper as she entered the room, clad in black ski pants, a hot pink parka, and a black and pink striped hat.

"Of course, dear," Jasper soothed, smiling at her.

We all rolled our eyes. "Somebody had better get Emmett and Rose out of the hot tub before we leave them," Carlisle commented.

I looked at Edward. "They're STILL in the hot tub??" I asked incredulously.

He sighed, and then grimaced. "Yes, love."

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't think so."

"Not it!" I called.

"Not it!" Edward seconded.

Alice, Carlisle, and Esme all responded with their own chorus of "Not it"s, leaving Jasper to have to break up the hot-tubbing couple. He muttered to himself as he stomped from the room. "…stupid Yankee…bad enough I have to feel their lust all the time…"

The remainder of us chuckled; glad it wasn't one of us that had to separate Rosammett.

By the time we all had our boots on, Rosammett had decided to join us. Soon enough, we were all dressed according to the human charade, and Edward and I had made sure that Renesmee was dressed warmly. We agreed that Edward and I would drive Jake and Renesmee down to ski school and meet up with the rest of them at the foot of the mountain, in front of the main ski lift. The others would purchase our lift tickets for us.

And so the four of us departed, taking Edward's Volvo. We got Jake and Renesmee registered at ski school, and seeing as how they were both beginners, we arranged for them to have a private lesson. After wishing them the best of luck, we took Renesmee aside and reminded her to keep up the 7-year-old charade. Edward made Jake promise again to take care of Renesmee (it was a needless promise), and we grabbed our skis and headed over to the foot of the Ramcharger lift.

It wasn't hard to find everyone – Emmett was hardly inconspicuous because of his size, Alice stood out in her hot pink parka, and Rose's impeccable figure was easy to spot even covered in her red snowsuit.

"Dude! You guys took FOREVER! We've been soooo bored waiting for you!!" Emmett whined.

"Don't listen to Emmett, Bellward. We haven't been here five minutes," Esme reassured.

We all put on our skis and boards and split up into two groups of four, because the lit was a four-seater. Eslisle and Jalice loaded first, then we got on a lift with Rosammett. Emmett was practically bouncing with excitement, making our lift chair sway violently. Rose scooted as far away as possible and pretended that she didn't know him.

"We're finally here, Rosie! Aren't you excited??" Emmett chirped.

"Yeah, Em. I'm totally excited," Rosalie's eye roll was practically audible.

"You don't sound excited…" Emmett apparently didn't catch on to Rose's sarcasm.

When the lift reached the top, Emmett jerked the bar up with such surprising force that the chair shook precariously. I looked at him in alarm, and he laughed.

Left to right, it was Edward, me, Emmett, and then Rose. As our skis and boards touched the ground at the top of the lift, Edward suddenly grabbed my arm in alarm. "Not funny, Emm-" he was cut off as Emmett kicked his snowboard across the top of my skis, effectively tripping me. I flew forward, the seat of the lift chair hitting me in the back of the head as Edward attempted to pull me from underneath it.

Emmett roared with laughter and scooted off after Rose, who was still trying to pretend she didn't know who he was. Edward freed me from the lift chair, practically carrying me to the bench next to the giant trail map. Nearby, Jasper was doubled over with laughter, and Eslisle was standing next to Emmett, arms crossed, obviously staring him down disapprovingly. Alice ran over to my side.

"I'm so sorry, Bella! I saw it just before you got to the top, but there was no way for me to stop him…" she cried.

"No, I'M sorry, Bella. I promised you I'd protect you. He didn't come up with the idea until it was too late for me to do anything…I'm so sorry, love, are you hurt? If you are, Emmett is about to have a snowboard stuck up his butt…" Edward apologized.

"Sssshhh, you two. I'm fine. It's not your fault, Alice. Edward, of course I'm not hurt – vampire, remember?" I hissed. "I'm just a little embarrassed…let's get out of here before the lift operator comes out to check on me. I'll get Emmett back eventually…"

Edward tried to help me up, and I let him, knowing it made him feel better. I poled over to Jasper, Eslisle, and Rosammett, plastering a smile across my face. Behind me, I heard Edward growl at Emmett.

"Fall down again, Bella?" Emmett quipped, still laughing.

"Funny, Emmett. I could have sworn the klutziness was gone in the transformation…I guess I was wrong," I glared at him, sarcasm dripping in every word.

"That's enough, Emmett," Esme chided. "Are we going to stand here all day or are we going to ski?"

"Ski," Emmett answered, sounding like a preschooler getting punished by his teacher.

After consulting the map, we decided to start off the day with a nice long blue run. We headed off the edge, and soon the eight of us were off. Emmett and Edward took the lead, obviously starting this part of the competition. Jalice, Rose and I followed closely behind, making quick turns. Eslisle took the rear, making slower turns.

I was enjoying myself, not going too fast, not going too slow. I wasn't having any trouble remembering how to ski – I guess it's something you never forget, kind of like riding a bike. Though it wasn't hard for me as a human, it was super easy as a vampire. I wasn't worried about catching my ski on anything, or accidentally hitting an icy patch. Even hindered by my goggles, my eyesight helped me to observe the different textures of the snow. As I skied, I continued to marvel at the beauty of the it all: the trees, the surrounding mountains…I was continuously reminded of the way Edward's skin sparkled in the sun, though there was no way this beauty could compare to Edward.

So lost was I in my observations, that I was startled to reality by the sound of a muffled "BOOM" just down the slope. It appeared that in an attempt to avenge me, Edward skied over the top of Emmett's board, effectively sending him sprawling down the hill. I looked around; making sure that no unsuspecting humans had been witness to the source of the sound, or the near-seismic trembling of the ground around Emmett's fall. Luckily (or maybe not-so-luckily, seeing as how Edward probably planned it that way), there were no humans anywhere in sight.

The other seven of us skidded to a stop around the Emmett-sized hole in the snow, eager to poke fun at the prankster. Edward was doubled over in laughter, and Jasper gave him a high five. Alice grinned mischievously as Rosalie pulled Emmett out of his hole. Eslisle stood to the side, apparently knowing that it would do no good to scold Edward.

Emmett's face was priceless – his goggles were askew, giving us a perfect view of his entire expression. It was one of shock mixed with anger and…acceptance? I guess that made sense…he had to know it was coming. He turned to glare at Edward.

"Nice one, Eddie. It's on, now," he bellowed.

I made my way over to Edward, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Thanks, Edward. That was pretty nice." I kissed his cheek.

"No problem, love. I quite enjoyed it," He smiled his crooked smile. "Now, let's get out of here before he decides to do something drastic."

I agreed quickly, and we took off, much faster than before. We made it into kind of a contest between each other, making quick turns and racing to the bottom of the slope. We skidded to a stop in front of the lift and turned to wait for the rest of our family. Apparently, it took them a little longer than expected because the Emmett-sized hole had to be filled in.

Apart from a few small incidents involving Emmett, Jasper, and some ski poles, the rest of the day passed without any major occurrences. At 3:45, we all went back to the ski school to pick up Jake and Renesmee. They got a great report from their instructor, who assured us that after a few days they would be ready to hit some of the slopes with the rest of us. I was so proud of Renesmee, and Jake, too, for that matter.

Since the Volvo was still parked in the main parking lot, Edward, Jake, Renesmee, and I took it back to the chalet while the others took a final lift to the top of the mountain and skied back to the house.

When we arrived, Edward and I made sure Jake and Renesmee had a good supper before we met up with everyone in the living room, where a "Cullen Family Meeting" was scheduled.

When we walked in, Emmett was jumping up and down with excitement, hardly able to contain himself.

"Ooooh, Bella! This is going to be AWESOME! You ain't seen nothin' yet!!" Emmett exclaimed.

I became suddenly anxious, looking to Edward for support.

"Don't be uneasy, love. It's nothing to be anxious about," he comforted me. "Just a little family activity."

As we all found our seats, Carlisle stood up to preside.

"As all of you (except Bella) know, it's time for the second part of the day's activities," he began, then turned to address me in particular. "Seeing as how we don't need the sleep or the light, we don't have a reason to stop skiing when the sun goes down. We run to the top of the mountain, ski down, and repeat. You just have to carry your gear on the way back. You won't need all those cumbersome clothes you wore today; as long as we keep out of the way, there will be no one around to see. Jake and Renesmee will stay here, of course, if that's OK…?"

This made sense. Why should we have to wait for the lifts to open? This was a great idea! The entire mountain, all to ourselves…why didn't I think of that? The rest of my family looked at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"Sounds great. Will we be out all night?" I questioned. Sure, skiing all night would be fun, but Edward and I had other plans as well…

Alice caught on to what I was trying to say, and she giggled. "Not all night, Bella. Don't worry, there will still be plenty of time for you and Edward to have…er, bonding time."

If I could still blush, my face would have been beet red at that point. Instead, I buried my head in Edward's shoulder in an attempt to hide. I felt him repress a chuckle as he kissed the top of my head.

Emmett roared with laughter. "Duh, Bella. Do you think I would ever consent to this if there wasn't time for other activities?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Rose.

"All we have to do is wait for the sun to go down," Jasper added. "Of course, the snow cats will be out grooming the slopes, but we'll rely on Alice to know where to stay away from."

Alice jumped up. "Well, come on, Bella! Remember, we don't have ALL night!" she chirped.

"OK, Alice. Just let me make sure Renesmee is set for the night," I soothed. Grabbing Edward's hand, we went to find Renesmee and Jacob and let them know our plans.

Soon enough, we were all putting on our boots by the front door. We were all clad in jeans and t-shirts (or in Alice's case, designer jeans and a sequined top). Emmett had a gleam in his eye that had me worrying – big time.

"Good night, Renesmee! Night, Jake!" I called as we stepped out the door.

Eight vampires about to go snow skiing in the dark. I had nothing to be worried about, right?

What did you think?? Let me know! REVIEW!! Now, come on Edward, I have to get you back to Stephenie so she can get to work on MIDNIGHT SUN.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Hey y'all!! The response on the last chapter was a little better...I kind of need to know how many people are actually reading, though. I'd love to keep going - I have a few more chapters written, and I'm still writing them, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PELASE reveiew and let me know what you think!! Also, (though I have most of the pranks planned already) I am open for suggestions! If you have ideas, please let me know. That's about it...

**Disclaimer**:  
Me: Hey, Stephenie...  
Stephenie: *sighs* What is it this time?  
Me: Nothing! Well…except I really really really really really need to borrow Edward again. Just really quick! It will only take a few minutes, I promise!  
Stephenie: I'm not sure…you brought him back covered in snow last time.  
Me: But that was just a freak accident! I had nothing to do with it, I swear! *crosses fingers behind back*  
Stephenie: *sighs exasperatedly* Well…I guess that's ok. But take better care of him this time. And remember that he's mine. You don't own him, or anything, really.  
Me: Ouch! That was harsh, Steph. But thanks! *shoves Edward away* On with the story!

**Chapter 4**

_BPOV_

The night would have been completely black to a human – a result of the new moon. To us, however, everything was completely visible, just with different colors. It was still beautiful to me, even if the snow wasn't white and sparkling.

As we stepped out the door into the night, Edward put his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him. "Are you excited, love?" he asked.

"Of course!" I replied. "A little nervous, too, though. I know they have something up their sleeves…"

"I'm afraid they do too, love. But they're all doing such a good job of hiding it from me," he glared at Alice.

"Don't worry, Bella! You know we always keep your best interests at heart," Alice reassured me. Somehow, I didn't believe her.

"Alright, yeah, yeah. We all love Bella and nothing bad is gonna happen," Emmett grinned. "But we don't have ALL NIGHT, remember? Bellward isn't the only couple who has other things to do…"

Rose rolled her eyes. "He's right. Let's go."

We followed Carlisle through the trees, carrying our skis, boards, and poles. It was difficult to run in boots, but it didn't take us long to reach our desired spot. We sniffed and listened for any trace of human, but all the trails were hours old. After putting on my skis, I turned to Edward.

"So, we just ski down, huh?" I asked.

"That's pretty much it, love. We won't stay all together tonight – the couples usually pair off together," he replied, almost questioningly, wondering if I was OK with that.

I decided to mess with him, twisting my face into a grimace. "Oh. If that's how you always do it, I guess I can deal," I lied.

"No, no, Bella. You can go wherever you want with whomever you want. You don't have to come with me – it was just a suggestion, really…" he backtracked, his face downcast.

"Kidding, Edward! OF COURSE I want to ski with you. How could you ever doubt that?" I put my arms around his waist for reassurance.

His face brightened immediately. "Don't play with me, love. You had me worried there."

"Edward Cullen, I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you. Always have been, always will be. You never, ever have to worry about anything," I told him, looking into his eyes.

"Mrs. Cullen, I love you with all of my being. Always have, always will. And I'll try not to worry," he said, his eyes golden pools of sheer adoration.

He touched his lips to mine, softly at first, but quickly turning into something more. Just as the world around me was beginning to fade away, I was jerked back to reality by a ski pole being forced between Edward's and my faces.

"Break it up, you two. Save it for later," Emmett griped, giving Edward a slight shove.

We looked around us to find that Eslisle and Jalice had already left, leaving us with Rosammett. Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand, pulling him over the edge of the slope. Edward looked at me.

"Ready, sweetheart? If not, we could just continue what Emmett so rudely interrupted…" he asked.

"Oh, we will continue that. But for now, I'm dying to try out this night-skiing thing," I replied.

"Dying? Nice choice of words, Bella," he smirked.

"You know what I mean, smarty. Let's go!" I gave him a small push and we both went over the edge.

We kept up the same pace, making quick turns and occasionally splattering each other with snow. Edward suddenly darted to the left, into the trees.

"This way, love!" he called.

I followed, easily spotting his ski's tracks through the trees. This would have been impossible as a human, but with my vampire reflexes it was no problem. It was like running through the forest, in a way. One might think that you wouldn't have time to turn your skis and miss hitting the trees, but it came easily.

I let out a laugh, thoroughly enjoying myself. All too soon, I popped out back onto the slope, finding Edward waiting for me.

"Enjoy yourself?" he asked, obviously already knowing the answer.

"Yes! That was awesome!" I replied, a smile spreading across my face.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now, we should probably get to the bottom quickly, seeing as how Emmett will give us a lot of crap if we're too far behind," he smiled.

"Oh, one of us will be far behind, alright," I teased; quickly turning my skis downhill and racing down the slope.

"So it's going to be like that, is it?" he responded, right behind me.

We sped down the steep hill, barely bothering to make turns at all. Reaching the bottom of the slope in no time, I skidded to a stop and he pulled up behind me.

I turned my face into a pout. "You let me win, didn't you?" I accused.

"Of course not, love! That was all you," he replied, his face a model of pure honesty. I didn't believe him for one second.

"Uh huh. One of these days I'll beat you for real, Edward. You just wait and see," I growled playfully at him.

"Eddie got beat by a girrr-ull, Eddie got beat by a girrr-ull," Jasper chanted in a singsong voice, sliding to a stop next to us.

"And what took _you_ so long, brother?" Edward asked pointedly. As if he didn't know.

Jasper smiled. "Nothing, really. Alice and I just took a detour through the trees."

Alice spoke up. "Jazzy's right. Just a minor delay," she smiled mischievously.

I rolled my eyes, looking around for the rest of my family. Eslisle was standing together a few feet away, and so was Rosammett. Emmett was attempting to muss up Rose's hair, without much luck. Carlisle looked up.

"Are we all here, then? Good. Everyone have a nice run?" he asked.

"Great!" Emmett yelled.

"Pretty good," Rose added.

"Amazing," Edward and I said at the same time.

"And you, Jalice?" Carlisle asked, raising his eyebrows.

Alice snickered. "Yes, Dad, Jasper and I had a great run."  
Jasper ran his hand through his hair, looking around absentmindedly.

Esme eyed them both. "I'm glad to hear that. Are we ready to head back up?" she asked.

After a chorus of "yes"s, we took off our skis and boards, throwing them over our shoulders and taking off after Carlisle back up the mountain.

It didn't take us long to reach the top, this time at a different spot. We paused to replace our skis and boards. I glanced at Edward, who had a look of confusion on his face.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked.

"Something is up. Alice is translating 'Harry Potter Puppet Pals' into Arabic, and Emmett is doing some kind of calculus problem in his head," he answered, eyeing Emmett suspiciously. "That is _not_ normal."

Emmett snickered. "Don't worry so much, Eddie."

He and Rose took off, followed by Jalice. Eslisle took up the rear, waiting for us to go.

About halfway down the slope, Edward yelled at me. "Bella, look out!"

I looked across the hill in alarm, not sure what to expect. Before my mind could even comprehend what was happening, I was hit from behind by something huge, toppling me forward. As I rolled down the hill, I realized what had happened. Ooh, Emmett's gonna get it! Finally rolling to a stop, I heard him.

"YARD SALE!!" Emmett roared in laughter. **(A/N: Yard sale = skier wipes out, losing their skis, poles, and oftentimes articles of clothing as well.)**

And a yard sale it was. My skis and poles were spread all across the slope, much farther up the hill. I was so mad I felt like I could rip Emmett's laughing head from his body. I jumped up, almost overflowing with anger. Red tinted the edges of my vision.

I spotted the culprit about fifty feet up the hill, rolling around in the snow in laughter. I was at his side in a flash. Before I could do anything drastic, I felt two pairs of strong arms wrap around my waist.

"Let me go! I'll rip you to pieces Emmett, don't think I won't!" I roared.

"I know, Bella, I know. But violence is not the answer." Esme soothed, tightening her grip around my waist.

"Esme's right, Bella. Just cool down for a minute, and think about this rationally," Carlisle reasoned, tightening his grip as well.

I growled and snarled at Emmett, allowing Eslisle to pull me away, still struggling against them.

As they did, Edward, already out of his skis, launched himself at Emmett from across the hill. Not being able to restrain himself because of the amount of anger and hostility in the air, Jasper jumped in, and the three of them rolled around on the slope, practically a blur of arms and legs. I was chomping at the bit to join them, but Eslisle's grip was firm. Rosalie and Alice stood to the side, chuckling. I turned my attention to the pixie.

"You _knew_ he was going to do that, you scheming little pixie, and you did nothing!" I screamed.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but it _was_ pretty hilarious. You should've seen yourself…" she and Rose burst out in fits of laughter.

Suddenly, an idea came to me. Maybe violence _wasn't_ the answer. At least not here and now, anyway. Maybe _revenge_ was the answer. I mean, we still had almost two weeks here to get revenge. And even after that, we had forever.

I relaxed in Eslisle's grip, turning to them smiling. They looked at me questioningly, wondering what could have changed my attitude so suddenly.

"You're right, Esme. Violence isn't the answer," I agreed, smiling sweetly.

She let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you can see that, Bella. If only my sons…" she trailed off, looking in the direction of the giant ball of vampire limbs still rolling around the slope.

"Don't worry, Mom. They'll calm down in three…two…one," Alice said confidently.

And they did; Jasper disentangling himself from the other two and apparently sending calming waves at Emmett and Edward. Soon they were dusting the snow off themselves, Edward still glaring viciously at Emmett. I rushed over to Edward.

"Thank you for avenging me _again_, dear," I cooed, kissing him on the cheek. Then I concentrated, pushing my shield back from my mind. _Don't say anything, Edward._ I thought, watching his face light up in surprise. _We __**will**__ get him back. Soon. I refuse to be the brunt of his jokes any longer._

Edward nodded, kissing me quickly on the lips. He sprinted off to collect his and my skis and poles. I turned to glare at Emmett.

"Guess I wasn't watching where I was going again, huh, Emmett?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

He looked at me with a confused look on his face. "Huh? Oh, right. You're still such a klutz, Bella."

I smiled menacingly, turning to meet Edward and put on my skis.

"Let's go, sweetie," I called, turning my skis downhill. Edward skied close beside me.

"Are you sure you're OK, love? It sounded like he hit you pretty hard, and then you were rolling…" he worried.

"I'm fine, Edward, really. Just pissed," I replied.

"What did you have in mind as payback?" he questioned.

"Oh, I have a few ideas…" I smiled.

Emmett would get what was coming to him. And the rest of them, too, for that matter…they ain't seen nothin' yet.

What did you think? Let me know! Sorry if it seems slow – it's about to pick up, I promise!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Hey y'all! The response on last chapter was awesome! I really enjoy hearing from everyone. I see that a lot of people are reading the story, but there aren't that many reviews. Just drop by and let me know what you think! It takes two seconds.

We're getting into the good stuff here, ladies and gentlemen…let the pranks begin.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything. At all. Except for a life-size Robert Pattinson cardboard cutout…but that's a different story.

**Chapter 5**

_BPOV_

The rest of the night passed without incident or injury, thank goodness. I think Emmett suspected something, because of the way I pretended like the yard sale event was my fault. I was only skiing in body, for my mind was far away, plotting and scheming my revenge. Whenever I hit upon a good idea, I'd pull back my shield and let Edward know. We had to keep changing our minds, however, to keep Alice from discovering our plans. We knew it would be hard, because we had to get her back as well as Emmett, and she wouldn't take this lying down. I figured I could get some small type of revenge on her, and then let her in on the rest of the plans so we wouldn't have to keep changing our plans. Edward couldn't tell me any of his ideas because the others could hear, so I was grateful to get back to the cabin and plot…amongst other things.

After much grief and catcalls from our loving family, Edward and I retreated to our room. I was glad to get away from the others, mostly Emmett, if even for a short time. We put a stop to our activities a few hours before the lifts opened, knowing we would need this time to scheme our ultimate revenge.

I lay in Edward's arms, watching the sun come up. "This needs to be big, Edward," I told him. "I'm talking HUGE. Huge enough that they won't forget – and huge enough that they won't think of messing with me for decades."

He chuckled. "That would take something really, really, huge, Bella. You know how much they love pranks…"

"But we can do it, right?" I frowned. Mutiny was not an option here. I couldn't pull anything off without him – well, I couldn't survive without him, but I particularly needed him for this plan. It would be very difficult alone…

"Of course love. You can do anything you set your mind to," he smiled.

"Thank you, Edward. But I'm absolutely serious here. Let's go down the list. Eslisle can be immune, I guess, because they didn't do anything," I mused.

"Okay, sounds fair," he nodded.

"What about Jasper…we already mess with his emotions so much already, so that's not really that funny or worth it. What about his collection of Civil War artifacts? And his uniform?" I wondered.

"That would get his attention, of course, but are you that cruel, love? You know how much he values those things…" Edward questioned.

"You're right. Oh, wait! I have the perfect idea!" I squealed.

We were interrupted by a loud knocking on the door. "Nessie's up, Bellward! She wants to hear about last night – well, not all of it…" Emmett's voice came from the other side of the door.

I sighed, hearing Emmett tromp down the hallway. I turned to Edward. "It's better if I don't say it out loud anyway. Someone might be listening…Let's get dressed – here's my plan…" I outlined my idea to him through my thoughts while we put on our clothes. He was delighted with the idea, and told me he knew exactly where we could get what we needed.

We headed down to the living room, hand in hand, smiles apparent across both our faces.

"Someone's happy this morning," Rose commented from her seat on the couch.

"Good morning, Rose," I greeted her. "Why shouldn't we be? We're on a wonderful vacation with our loving family, and it's a lovely, cloudy day - perfect weather for skiing and snowboarding," _and revenge_, I mentally added.

We met Renesmee and Jacob in the kitchen, telling them about the events of last night. I wasn't going to mention the falling part, but someone – _cough, cough, Emmett _– had already described it to them in detail. Jake thought it was hilarious, but something in my expression cut his laugh off short.

Soon it was time for us to all head out. Jake and Renesmee were good enough to ski to the bottom of the mountain if we took the easiest way, so all ten of us headed to the ski school together. Jake and Renesmee were put in a private class together again, and we wished them luck, quietly reminding Renesmee to "act her size" as we jokingly called it. Wouldn't want any ski instructor discovering that she was something of a fifteen year old stuck in a seven year old's body… That would be an interesting conversation.

So there we were, on the lift again. Edward and I opted to ride with Jalice, and throughout the ride, Alice continued to stare at us, confused, but not saying anything. We kept changing our minds, and I could tell it was baffling her. I squeezed Edward's knee when she turned away, looking at him and trying not to laugh. I could tell he was struggling as well – he had to listen to her thoughts. Jasper seemed just as confused as his wife, but he didn't know why. Yes, very hard not to laugh.

We skied the top of the mountain, taking the tram up and doing some double blacks. Emmett tried to trip me a few times, but Edward would see them coming and foil his plans. We passed the morning in that fashion, and soon it was time to put our scheme into action.

Alice confronted us. "I know you two are up to something. If it's not against me, I won't say anything, but I'm dying here. Please please please tell me?" she begged. We looked at each other. Well, if she wasn't going to say anything, what's the harm? Once she was filled in, she giggled. "He's going to be so mad…but he'll never see it coming. Don't be too harsh on him, though. You know how he gets," she cautioned.

Edward and I claimed that we had to take Jake and Renesmee to lunch, and parted from the group. The others didn't know about the included lunch they were given at the ski school.

Rushing back to the chalet, we put our idea into action. Soon, Jasper's study looked perfect. The funny part about all this was, Jasper would automatically think Emmett was to blame. The pranks were always being pulled on me, not the other way around. No one would ever suspect my part in this.

We met up with the family and continued the day. Apart from Rose being hit on by a ski patrol guy, nothing eventful happened that afternoon. We skied down and met Jake and Renesmee at ski school. The instructor was very impressed with their progress, and decided that they were good enough to ski home with us.

The whole way, I watched my daughter in awe. If only I could have been that graceful when I was a child…or a human at all for that matter. She was simply so much like her father. The superior coordination and sheer beauty…it took my breath away. Edward was just as happy as me, and it was cute to watch him ski behind her and give her a push. It was an adorable moment.

We arrived back at the cabin, and everyone took off their gear before heading off to occupy themselves in various pursuits. Alice giggled as she followed Jazz up the stairs, and Edward and I followed. Luckily, Jasper's study was on the way to our room, so we could pretend to be passing when he discovered his surprise.

"I'll be just two seconds, Alice," he was saying as he opened the door. Edward and I skidded to a halt to watch the show.

"WHAT THE HE-…MOTHER F--…WHERE DID…OH…MY…_**EMMETT**_!!" Jasper yelled as he fled the room, obviously on a mission to make sure Emmett REALLY couldn't have children. The rest of the family, minus Emmett, soon appeared on the landing, confusion apparent on all their faces. We followed them into the study.

Jasper's confederate flag was nowhere to be seen, and the portrait of Jefferson Davis had been replaced with one of General Sherman. The room had been transformed into a Union soldier shrine, complete with stuffed dummies clad in Union uniforms, and American flags all across the walls. A life-size cut out of Abraham Lincoln stood in the corner, and next to it hung a framed copy of the Emancipation Proclamation. Pictures of acclaimed Union generals adorned the walls and cluttered the top of his desk. Anyone who knew Jasper knew it was enough to make him puke, if that were possible.

The sounds of Jasper delivering Emmett's demise were becoming more apparent as they were met with screams and pleads from the victim.

"But Jazz! I swear – **SMACK** – I didn't – **SMACK** – do anything! Why would I – **SMACK** – touch your stuff – **SMACK** – I don't even know – **SMACK** – what you're talking about!!" he cried.

We all ran down to watch the fight. Emmett, realizing that he was being beaten up by a guy half his size, began to fight back. Esme let out a sigh – it sounded almost like one of relief, probably because Emmett had made it outside before the destruction began.

And so they continued, until their clothes were in scraps and a few trees were felled. Finally, they got up and dusted themselves off. Jasper was still seething, and Emmett still looked confused.

Jasper stomped past us, and we looked up as a window opened on the second floor. First, out came picture frames; one by one they smashed into the ground. Then the American flags and the Emancipation Proclamation. Then the Union soldiers came flying, bayonets at the ready. Finally, a headless Abraham Lincoln made his exit.

Emmett stood, staring at the window, understanding lightening up his features. His confusion turned into a smile.

"Hey, Jazz! Who won the war?" he taunted.

Esme shook her head at him. "I don't want a hole in the house, Emmett. Please don't taunt him when he's already distressed."

Emmett grinned and nodded, skipping past us into the house. Edward and I hung behind, picking up the remnants of our prank and disposing of them.

"Think Jazz will believe it wasn't him?" I asked Edward.

"I don't think Emmett's going to try to persuade him otherwise anymore," Edward chuckled. "Even if it wasn't his prank, he has to admit it was a good idea and he's happy to take credit for it."

"Of course it was a good idea. It was mine," I smiled. "He'll never suspect me, though."

"You're right, he doesn't suspect you," Edward confirmed. "Me, a little, but not you."

"So, who's next?" I asked.

"I was thinking we should probably get Alice out of the way. Then she can help us with the rest of them – plus, I've been waiting to teach her a lesson," he replied.

"I was thinking her too. This will be tricky, though. It'll have to be a spur of the moment thing," I mused.

"True. I have a few ideas, love," he told me.

After making sure Alice was occupied with Jasper, we swapped ideas about Alice's prank. Soon, we had a plan in place – undecidedly, of course. But we wouldn't be able to keep it secret for long, so we made our way back into the house and up to Jalice's room.

"Jalice?" I called, hesitantly.

They were sitting on their bed, Jasper's head in Alice's lap. Alice stroked his hair soothingly, cooing to him. They looked up at us as we entered.

"Alice, don't you think it would be a good idea to get Jasper away from Emmett for a while?" Edward asked.

Alice looked confused. "Um, yeah, I guess that would be a good idea," she said hesitantly.

"Why don't you two go hunt for awhile. Take a few hours and get all this out of your system, Jazz," I seconded Edward. We needed both of them out of the house if this was going to work.

Alice stood up, taking Jasper with him.

"Let's go, Jazzy. You could use a nice hunt to get your mind off things," Alice soothed, pulling him from the room.

Edward and I looked at each other, surprised that Alice would go along so easily. We walked over to Alice's massive closet, and, turning to look at each other wickedly, we pushed open the double doors.

_What did you think? Let me know!! Also, I thought I'd share something I found on Twilight Lexicon the other day – I swear I just now found this!_

**Q. This may seem a bit random but do Edward or any of the other Cullens/Hales like to ski? For some reason it seems like a sport they'd like because it's so… fast. **

**A. I imagine they enjoy skiing a lot. I'll bet Emmett prefers snowboarding, though…**

_From the mouth of Stephenie! Yay! I got it right!! Haha, let me know what you think!!_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: Hey y'all! Hope you're liking the story so far...things are about to pick up a little bit. Head over to my profile and check out my "101 Reasons You Might Be Obsessed with Twilight" list. I posted it as a story, but apparently that's illegal so I deleted it and put it on my profile. PM me and let me know what you think! On with the story...

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight, sadly. I'm just obsessed with it. :)

**Chapter 6**

_BPOV_

This was just too good. Everything was working out so well! As Edward and I sat in the hot tub, watching Renesmee and Jacob build another snowman, I thought of our most recent accomplishment. Sure, I felt a little guilty – Alice hadn't done anything to us. But it was all part of the game! Every man for himself, or herself in this case. Of course, Edward wouldn't turn on me, but I wouldn't turn on him either. We had an alliance in place, as I'm sure Jalice, Rosammett, Eslisle, and Renescob did as well. The only thing was, they weren't aware of the severity of the current set of pranks underway.

Edward's chuckle brought me back to reality. I followed his gaze to Jacob, who, at the moment, was having snow stuffed down his shirt by Renesmee. I laughed, too, at Jacob's face. I was reminded of the night Edward, Jacob, and I camped out on the mountain awaiting Victoria's newborn army. Though it couldn't hurt him, the coldness of my hands and feet were enough to startle Jacob as he warmed me in my sleeping bag. The same thing was obviously happening to him now - I could tell by the look on his face. He wasn't about to do anything other than what Renesmee wanted, so he sat on his knees and continued to let her grab handfuls of white mush and shove it down the front of his long-sleeve shirt, giggling all the while.

"At least Renesmee is enjoying herself," I commented to Edward, not removing my eyes from the pair.

"I think Jacob is, as well…though maybe not at this particular moment," Edward snickered.

By this time, Jacob had persuaded Renesmee to get back to their previous activity, rolling up a ball of snow to be used as the snowman's head.

"Ready to face Alice's fury, love?" Edward questioned, turning towards me.

"What kind of question is that?" I wondered. "Why?"

"No particular reason. Except that I hear her thoughts. They're almost back from their hunting trip." He nodded toward the edge of the trees.

I looked up expectantly, growing more nervous by the second. I grabbed Edward's hand under the water and felt a chuckle shake his body. Jalice walked into view at that point, smiling and swinging their intertwined hands.

"No going back now," I commented under my breath.

Jalice walked up onto the porch and stopped beside the hot tub.

"Have a nice hunt, Jazz?" Edward commented nonchalantly.

"Yeah," Jasper responded, no note of suspicion in his voice.

Alice, on the other hand, was starting to look very suspicious. With one quick look at us, she drug Jasper into the house.

"Edward, does sh-" I was cut off.

"She's only getting flashes, love, but it's enough to scare her to death…well, almost." Edward chuckled.

We gave each other an evil look and quickly hopped out of the tub, running into the house together. We were halfway up the stairs when the screaming started. And when I say screaming, I mean earth-shattering, glass-breaking, mind-numbing shrieking.

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODMYCLOTHESMYCLOTHESMYCLOTHESMYCLOTHES!!!WHODIDTHISWHODIDTHISWHODIDTHIS???!!!" Alice's screeching was attracting the attention of everyone inside and outside the house.

When Edward and I arrived on the scene, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were already there. Eslisle and Renescob were close on our heels, and we all crowded in the doorway of Jalice's room to see what the fuss was about.

Jasper stood frozen just outside Alice's closet doors, a look of horror plastered across his face. The screams were coming from inside the closet, and we inched closer to get a better look.

Alice's closet looked normal, well, normal for a closet. But not normal for Alice. That's because it was empty. There were shelves and racks, sure, but no clothes to be found anywhere. The little pixie stood in the middle of the massive closet stomping her feet, her hands pulling at her spiky hair.

Her face, first distraught and upset, turned accusing and angry as she looked from face to face, as if stealing Edward's gift and attempting to discover who did this to her. Edward and I both had equally innocent expressions on our faces as her gaze settled on both of us.

We stood close together, still in our swimsuits and dripping after our mad dash from the hot tub. I bit my lip, feigning a guiltless conscience. I glanced at Edward to see him doing the same, and then looked back at Alice to gauge her reaction.

She wasn't buying it. Not one bit. You could read it on her face – she knew it was us. But she didn't say a word. Not in accusation, anyway.

"So this is how it's gonna be," she said, and an eerily calm expression – ten times scarier than her blood-curdling scream – came across her countenance.

I couldn't help it – I gulped. Edward was braver than I was; he kept his reserved expression and I heard no sound from his direction. Everyone was stunned into silence.

Alice closed her eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to regain composure.

"Let's go, Jazzy," she finally muttered, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the room.

As soon as they were safely away, Emmett let out a low whistle. "Holy sh-" he was cut off by Esme.

"Emmett! Language!" she chastened.

"Sorry, Mom," he apologized; the look of incredulity did not leave his face. "That was AWESOME!" he finally blurted out, his eyes wide.

Edward and I turned to look at each other, identical expressions on our faces. Expressions of triumph. Things were going exactly as planned…Score: Bellward, two. Everyone else, nothing.

Or at least that's how we saw it. We were an unstoppable team. But we only had about a week and a half left, and we still had to take down the rest of the family.

Emmett drug Rosalie out of the room, no doubt to go do some planning of their own. After eyeing us suspiciously, Renescob made their way out as well. Esme lingered, pulling Carlisle into the closet for a thorough look at the damage. At this, Edward and I decided to make our exit.

Once we got out of the room, we burst into laughter, almost collapsing on top of each other in our giddiness.

"Did you see her face??" I crowed. I might have had tears rolling down my face if that were possible. Edward looked the same.

"That was incredible! She's so mad…" he managed to choke out in between fits of laughter. We clutched each other, reveling in the overwhelming sense of accomplishment and downright wickedness.

We finally pulled ourselves off the floor and stumbled to our room, ready to scheme some more. But out plans were cut short – our room was already occupied by a seething pixie and a distraught Confederate major.

"Can we help you?" Edward ventured, placing the mask of innocence back on his face. I was quick to do the same.

Alice glared at him. "I think you know why we're here."

"I'm sure we can't account for this honor at all," Edward lied, wrapping an arm around my waist as his voice took on a mockingly formal tone.

Alice huffed. "We know it's you two who've been pulling these pranks. And we figured it's about time we formed some type of alliance here." She turned to Jasper, and he nodded.

"This has gone far enough," he added.

Edward and I faced each other, both questioning the other how to proceed. It was times like these I was grateful for my ability to move my shield. Now, I lifted it from my mind and shared my thoughts with Edward. There was no reason why we shouldn't trust them now – our pranks on them were successfully completed; they were the only ones who stood to lose anything in this agreement.

He nodded once, agreeing with my assessment. We both turned to face Jalice. "Alright," Edward began. "What did you have in mind?"

We made our way over to the bed where Jalice sat, joining them on it.

Alice glared at us. "First, before we talk anything else, you have to tell me where my clothes are," she demanded.

Edward and I laughed. "I guess that's fair," I conceded, rising and walking over to our closet. I opened the double doors, revealing piles upon piles of clothes – Alice's clothes.

Alice sighed, shaking her head. "Thank goodness you didn't do anything to them," she breathed, actually sounding relieved.

"Now, on to business," Edward brought us back to attention. "We agree not to turn on each other, correct?" he confirmed, looking at Jasper and Alice in turn.

They both smiled. "Exactly," Jasper nodded. "We're capable of much more destruction when we're united." Leave it to Jasper to take the military perspective…

Alice's eyes gleamed. "With our combined talents, we'll be completely unstoppable."

"Sounds excellent," I agreed, squeezing Edward's hand in excitement. "Did you two have anything up your sleeves?" I asked.

"We might have a few ideas…" Jasper's eyes gleamed. "But it depends on who you want to hit first."

Edward spoke up. "Let's go ahead and count Eslisle out. We can't stoop that low,"

We all nodded; that was reasonable. "I was thinking we should save Emmett for last," Alice suggested. "Go out with a bang, you know?"

I smiled. "We were thinking the same thing. That leaves Rosalie and Jacob," I concluded. "Rose first?"

"Sure," Edward agreed. "How can we bring her down?"

We discussed various theories and options, embracing some and rejecting others until we had the perfect prank set up for Rose. All there was left to do was wait.

It was nighttime again, and we made our way to the top of the mountain, dressed in our gear and carrying our equipment. I was ready to enjoy myself tonight; we had pretty much hung around the house all day and it was time to get out and go crazy. Emmett was getting his butt beat tonight.

By the time we finished our first run, I noticed that Emmett was not his usual boisterous self. He didn't seem upset or anything; to someone that didn't know him, they might think he was deep in thought. Which, maybe, he was. He must have been trying to keep whatever he was thinking away from Edward, because his brow remained furrowed as he leisurely made his way down the slopes. I knew he was up to something, and, after lifting my shield and asking Edward's opinion, he knew it too. But Emmett was doing a reasonably good job of keeping it away from Edward, so we weren't going to find out that way. All we could do was keep our eyes on him and stay a safe distance away.

It didn't take long to find out what was on Emmett's mind. Luckily for Edward and me, it wasn't directed at me this time.

We had just started our third trip down the mountain when it happened. We had gone all the way to the top, getting more adventurous and hitting up some of the back bowls: double blacks and thick powder. It had snowed from noon until twilight, leaving a thick layer of snow on the top of the peak.

Edward and I were keeping pace with Eslisle, me working on my quick turns and Edward giving me pointers. Suddenly, we heard a low rumbling from above us, getting louder and more thunderous by the second.

"What the…" Edward muttered as we stopped and turned to see what was going on.

Emmett was what was going on. It didn't take long to realize that the low rumbling was the beginning of a tiny avalanche – a tiny avalanche no doubt initiated by the Emmett-sized hole in the snow bank right at the top of the hill.

Rosalie stood against a tree off to the side, arms crossed and eyes rolling. Our eyes following the growing wave of snow, we quickly maneuvered our way over to the side and into the trees, out of the way of the oncoming onslaught.

Jasper and Alice were not so lucky. Having started down the slope a little while after us, they were no doubt the target of Emmett's landslide. The pile of snow bore down upon them, and they disappeared from sight.

It only took about thirty seconds for the snow to settle. Emmett had planned well; there was enough snow to drown Jalice, but not enough to cause a real problem. The prankster himself appeared before Jalice could reemerge, and he was shaking with laughter as he topped the hill and made his way down to us.

"It just doesn't get any better than that, does it? And that's how it's done…" he bragged, egotistical as always.

Rosalie showed up and we all waited for Jalice to dig their way out of the mess, Esme pursing her lips and looking disapprovingly at Emmett the whole time.

A few moments later, I saw one ski pole jut up out of the pile, quickly followed by another and then two arms and Jasper's head. Alice appeared next, her clothing askew and a grimace on her face. They stood up, attempting to rid themselves of the snow that had accumulated all over them.

By this point, Emmett was on the ground laughing, probably just from the looks on their faces. The rest of us struggled to maintain composure, Carlisle even letting a small chuckle escape, disguising it as a cough.

The couple made their way over to us, dragging their gear and shaking out their limbs. Emmett managed to stand up and face them, grinning widely. He knew he couldn't even fool them for one minute.

I expected Jasper to glare venomously. I expected Alice to wear a look of indignation. I expected Jasper to start shaking with anger, looking like he was about to pounce on Emmett.

What I didn't expect was Alice to beat him to it.

Still a few steps away, she suddenly launched herself at his upper body, the force of the impact throwing him off balance and sending them both down the mountain. They rolled a few hundred feet, Alice beating him the whole way.

The rest of us stood there in complete shock for a few seconds, unable to process what had just happened. Then we all bust out laughing, absolutely incapable of holding it in any longer.

When we had control of ourselves, we grabbed our gear and ran down to where Alice and Emmett lay in the snow, still glaring at each other. Only now, Alice's clothes weren't the only ones absolutely covered on snow. Now Emmett looked just as rough.

"Are you two done for the night?" Esme asked hopefully, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at them.

"Yes, Mom," they chorused, Emmett standing up and helping Alice up as well.

"Truce for tonight?" Alice suggested, extending her right hand.

"Just for tonight," Emmett qualified, his huge hand completely engulfing her tiny one.

And it was good that their truce only lasted for the rest of tonight – because we had big plans for the rest of the trip. In fact, our latest one was to be put into effect as soon as we returned to the chalet…

**A/N**: _So what did you think? Rose is up next...review and let me know!!_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. Excuses are like buttholes – everybody's got one. And I've got one too, if you care to hear it: Calculus, Grandfather got cancer, scholarship applications and essays…that's just the top of the mountain. But y'all aren't here to read my sorry excuses, you're here for some Cullen family fun. Without further ado, may I present the newest edition of The Cullens Hit the Slopes.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight. I don't own Edward. I _do_ own a life-size cutout of Robert Pattinson (even though he's the most terrible excuse for Edward Cullen anyone could have picked…it's what he stands for that I own the cutout, not him personally). Anyway!

**Chapter 7**

_BPOV_

Edward and I lay on our bed, tangled up in each other. Rosalie was about to discover our latest prank, and I was more nervous than I cared to admit. Edward seemed to find my anxiety humorous, but I wasn't so secure in Rose's and my relatively newfound relationship.

"I don't understand why you're so worried, love," Edward soothed. "Besides, she won't even know you had anything to do with it!"

"Yeah. I'm sure she thinks _Emmett_ is that stupid…" I countered. Emmett knew better. Edward rolled his eyes as he continued to stroke my hair.

"Alice will warn us if she gets suspicious. We're supposed to be enjoying this, remember?"

That was true. So far, everything had gone off without a hitch. Though Edward was under suspicion, of course, for all the pranks that had been going on, I had been left out of it. I was supposed to be the less mischievous one in this relationship…

"You're right, Edward. But I can't help but worry Rose will find a much worse form of retaliation once she finds out who was behind this!"

"You worry too much, love. Just concentrate on how hilarious this is going to be…"

At that moment, the door swung in and Jalice walked in. Well, in Alice's case, it was more like bouncing. They came to sit on the edge of our bed, Alice's face alight with excitement, Jasper's apologetic.

"Any minute now!!" Alice squealed. I tensed further.

"Bella seems to be having second thoughts," Edward chuckled.

"Oh, give it up, Bells! You'll spoil all the fun!" Alice chided me. I rolled my eyes. At least _she _would be able to see if Rose was going to rip her head from her body…

Luckily I didn't have much time to wallow in anxiety. We heard the water in Rose's shower cut off, followed by the sound of her steps on the bathroom floor. "Get ready…three…two…one…" Alice gave us the countdown.

"  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sound of Rose's screams made the four of us jump; I threw my hands up to protect my ear drums.

"Let's go!" Edward grabbed my hand and we followed Jalice to Rosalie's bathroom, afraid of what we would encounter.

Emmett stood frozen in the doorway, a look of pure terror on his face. Multiple gasps of horror came from behind us as Renescob and Eslisle skidded to a stop.

Rosalie stood in front of the mirror, clad only in a large fluffy red towel. Even just out of the shower, she looked stunning – the towel exposed her perfect legs, her statuesque figure, her flawless skin, angelic face…and her long, wavy, blue hair.

Her hands were balled into fists at her sides, ready to throw the first punch. Her eyes were alight with a fire that I was sure could burn the nine of us to a giant pile of ash. "I suggest the criminals identify themselves. I would hate to kill all of you," she murmured, her voice the very essence of ice.

The audible gulp of nine separate throats reverberated throughout the room, and everyone except Emmett took a step backwards; he seemed to be frozen in place. I was reminded of Edward the day we found out about Renesmee…

"So, what'll it be, darling? Shall I decapitate you first or just set you on fire where you stand?" she asked, her politeness making the question even scarier.

It was at this point that Emmett realized he stood alone, apparently the perpetrator of the crime.

"But it wasn't me, Rosie! I swear! I know how you are about your hair!" he attempted to clear his name. I'm not sure if it was the look on his face or the fact that Rosalie couldn't actually bring herself to murder her other half, but she gave him another death glare as she grabbed her robe and stormed past us and out of the bedroom.

"Shall we give her a minute or two?" Carlisle broke the silence, fear still evident on his face. His suggestion was met with eight fervent nods.

"Poor dear!" Esme breathed. She turned to face all of us. "I don't know which one of you is responsible, but when I find out, you're going to be…well, you're going to be…grounded! Grounded for…well, not life, but…a long time!" She looked at Carlisle for confirmation, and, receiving a nod of approval, they left the room together.

The rest of us filed out behind them, Edward and I first stopping to make sure Emmett was actually unfrozen. Though I'd never seen Emmett that scared, it was safe to say that he was alive. Well, figuratively, at least. And he didn't seem to know which of us was behind it – I guess he thought he would have known if someone snuck into their bathroom and swapped Rose's shampoo for hair dye…

Once Edward and Jalice and I were safely in their room and Edward confirmed that Rose was miles away by this point, we burst into laughter.

"Did you SEE her FACE??" Edward guffawed.

"I really thought she was going to kill Emmett!!" Jasper yelled. "Her anger was enough to almost make me slap Alice!" Alice's high-pitched laughter cut off and she glared at her husband. "Metaphorically, of course, darling," he backtracked, appeasing his pixie.

"I'm still terrified," I said, sinking onto their bed. "When she finds out…" I trailed off, looking at Edward.

"I'll be able to head her off, don't worry, Bells," Alice reassured me. "But you're right – it won't be pretty."

"Speaking of pretty…don't you think blue is Rose's color?" Edward elbowed Jasper in the ribs, eliciting another laugh from all of us.

"So what's the plan now? Do we act quickly or wait for this one to blow over?" Jasper asked, ever the strategist.

Alice thought for a second. "I think time is of the essence. By this point, I'm sure the others are starting to suspect the right people." She looked at Edward for confirmation. Receiving it, she continued. "This only leaves Emmett and Jake." She glanced at me.

"Jake?" I asked. "Do we have to? I mean, he hasn't done anything…"

My protests were met with three raised eyebrows and three skeptical expressions.

"What about the time he tried to guilt-trip you into staying home and not rescuing Edward from the Volturi?" Alice questioned.

"What about the times he tortured Edward with his thoughts?" Jasper added.

"What about all the times he let you get hurt, the time he guilted you into kissing him, the time almost ruined our wedding, the way he _imprinted_ on our daughter and I wasn't allowed to do anything about it, the time-" I cut Edward off there.

"That's enough. Yeah, Jake's done his share of damage to all of us. But what about all the times he's helped us out?" I valiantly tried to defend my best friend.

"We love Jacob almost as much as you do now, sweetie," Alice reassured me. "That's why he has just as much right to get pranked as the rest of our family!"

Jasper and Edward nodded eagerly.

"He'd feel left out if we didn't!" Jasper justified as Edward smiled mischievously.

"Alright, alright. We can do Jake. But not Renesmee. That crosses the line," I surrendered.

"Yes!!" chorused the other three.

"What are we waiting for! Let's get to planning, then!" Alice enthused.

I rolled my eyes and settled into the familiar task of hatching pranks. At least Jake didn't have any gifts we had to work around…

An hour later, we were stumped. We had come up with numerous ideas to prank Jake, but none of them seemed to be the right one, according to Alice. Because we hadn't made our decision, Alice couldn't tell us what we'd choose. We'd thought of messing with his bike, but it wasn't actually here and Edward wouldn't stoop that low. We'd considered messing up his room, but that was too cliché. Because Jacob was the only one with human needs, we even thought of the traditional saran-wrap-over-the-toilet-seat or shaving-cream-in-his-hand-while-he-sleeps.

"We're vampires, for crying out loud! Surely we can do better than that!" Edward groaned.

"That's it!" I jumped up. "What's the one thing Jake can't stand? The one thing he would never want to be compared to? Even now?"

Alice's face lit up. Apparently we had finally arrived at our solution. "Perfect, Bella! But we'll have to do this the right way…where he can't end up blaming us…"

Edward must have only been getting glimpses of the plan from Alice's thoughts, so he and Jasper turned to me questioningly. "Explain, love?" Edward asked.

"Jake and Renesmee are still outside, right?" I questioned, wanting to be sure we weren't overheard. Edward nodded.

"Eslisle is making snow angels with them, and Emmett is still looking for Rose," he confirmed. I lowered my voice to a whisper anyway, explaining my plan to Jasper and Edward.

This plan suited me perfectly – Jake wouldn't be physically harmed in any way, but it would provide sufficient enjoyment for all of us – especially Rose. That is if she was back by then, anyway. And this plan, unlike the previous ones, didn't require any previous planning. We would wait until tonight once we were all back from the slopes.

After I had sufficiently explained my idea and Edward and Jasper agreed on the particulars, we left to join Eslisle and Renescob.

We hadn't been making snow angels for long before Rosalie and Emmett emerged from the forest. She wasn't happy, but she wasn't as mad as before. Emmett looked hugely relieved, apparently having convinced his wife that he was not to blame for the present color of her hair. Because it was still blue. And not just any blue – bright, vibrant, electric, smurf blue.

She glared at each of us in turn as she stalked into the house, though she had obviously decided to bide her time and wreak her revenge on a later date.

We decided it was time to get going, so we followed her into the house and got ready to head out. Alice announced that the sun would be making an appearance in late afternoon, so we hurried in order to have time to hit a few good runs.

Once her hair was safely tucked into her hat, Rose's mood seemed to lighten. The morning was altogether enjoyable, and Edward confided that Rose had left the chateau to consult a hair stylist. Since the dye was so new, she would have to wait a few days before attempting to bleach it out. Fortunately for Rose, we had enough heart to only use temporary dye. She would be back to normal soon, but we still had much damage to cause in the meantime.

We returned to the house in the middle of the afternoon, and Edward and I took the opportunity to play chess. We attracted a crowd because I was the only one who could actually play without Edward knowing my next move. I wasn't really that great at the game to begin with, but with much practice I managed to make the game last longer than a few minutes. Emmett cheered me on the whole time, and even though Edward won (of course), I was proud of myself.

We left soon after the end of our game to pick up Renesmee and Jacob from ski school. Their instructor informed us that they were ready to try some blue level slopes the next day, and the ride back to the chateau was spent excitedly chatting about which runs they would like to try with us.

When we reached the house, Edward and I knew it was time to start phase 1 of Jacob's prank. Sure enough, Alice had the entire family assembled in the living room as soon as Jacob and Renesmee were dressed again in casual clothes.

"So, Jake? Renesmee?" Alice danced up to them. "How about a good, old-fashioned game of Truth or Dare?"

**A/N**: What did you think?? Ideas for pranks are more than welcome!! This one's coming to a close…I've only got Emmett left, and then the finale. I'd love suggestions!! I've got to end this one so I can write what my heart wants me to…but I promise not to rush! Review review review!! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**: Hey y'all! I'm so so so so so sorry about not updating in forever. I have excuses, I'm sure, but I'm also sure that none of you really care and just want to get on with the story! I've recently acquired a new beta: ellseigh! She's totally amazing and is going to keep me on track from now on. Check in at the bottom for a longer A/N!

Chapter 8

BPOV

"Aren't we a little old for that?" Jacob chuckled nervously as he observed the group of vampires seated around the living area. He was right – most of us were pretty old (in Carlisle's case, especially).

"You're never too old for Truth or Dare!" Alice grabbed his arm. "You know you have no choice," she smiled up at him, showing more teeth than was absolutely necessary.

Jake glanced down at Renesmee. "I don't see a problem, Jake," she smirked, then yawned. "But I'm exhausted…I'm gonna sit this one out. Besides, Truth or Dare with Mom and Dad? I'll pass."

I think she was right – her father and I probably wouldn't be setting the best example during this game. "Alright, sweetie," I said. "Give us a minute, Alice." I grabbed Edward's hand and we followed our daughter up the stairs.

"I'm just going to take a shower and then a nap, okay, guys?" Renesmee said as she began to shed some of her layers of clothes. "Today was great, but I'm worn out!"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart," Edward smiled. "We're really proud of how well you're doing!"

"I know, right? Me and Jake should be out there with you guys any day now," she beamed. "But right now you should get back down there and have some fun. You worry about me too much," she looked pointedly at me.

"Not us..." I chuckled, elbowing Edward in the ribs. "Get some rest, dear. Come get us if you need anything!"

Edward and I made our way back downstairs. Was a game of Truth or Dare really mature enough for a group of eight vampires and a werewolf? Surely there were other things we grown-ups could be doing…but we had forever and tonight we wanted to act silly. At least most of us…

"What exactly do you have in mind, here, pixie?" Jake looked uncomfortable wedged in between Alice and Jasper on the loveseat. It was easy to guess why – Jasper's waves of discomfort were overwhelming a ten-foot radius. A quick look from Edward stopped them, however, and everyone but Jake seemed to calm down.

"I don't know why you always suspect me, Jacob!" Alice put on her best hurt expression. "I know you're going to enjoy yourself. I can see it!...Well, indirectly, anyway."

"Alright, alright. Let's get this thing started, then," Jake settled back into the cushions and arranged his features into an almost-believable "I'm-ready-for-whatever-goes-down" expression.

Edward chuckled quietly at my side and led me over to the sitting area. "Well, Alice?" he looked pointedly at her to begin.

"Excellent! Emmett You first. Truth or dare?" Alice grinned at him. Emmett wasted no time in giving his answer – though we all knew what it would be.

"Dare!" he bellowed. Rose rolled her eyes and tucked a blue strand of hair behind her ear.

Alice thought for a second. "Alright, then. Tomorrow, you'll make your first ski run in a hula skirt and coconut bra." Emmett opened his mouth to protest, but Alice cut him off. "And don't start with the 'Humans would get suspicious' business. There will be excellent cloud cover tomorrow, and I've seen crazy humans pull stunts like that all the time on YouTube."

With his objection foiled, Emmett had to suck it up. "That's not so bad," he laughed uncomfortably. He looked around for his victim. "Now it's my turn! Jasper, my man! What'll it be?"

Jasper looked a little shocked to be chosen so quickly in the game, but overcame his surprise and chose. "Dare."

"Sweet! Remember that t-shirt I have with Abe Lincoln's face on it?" Emmett settled back into his seat, a huge smirk on his face. Jasper cussed under his breath. "Next time we're in public," Emmett concluded.

I relaxed now, knowing Jasper wouldn't pick me. If Emmett hadn't, the odds of me being picked in the near future were slim. Suddenly, Edward tensed at my side.

"Bella! Truth or dare?" Jasper smiled knowingly at me. I shot him a look of disbelief. We were on the same side! Revenge for our earlier pranks maybe?

"Truth." There was no way I was being dared tonight. Not with this crowd.

"Okay," Jasper thought for a second. "Most embarrassing injury." A stifled chuckle rose from the entire group. I had to pick just one? My entire life was an embarrassing injury...

"Umm…" I struggled for a few seconds and Edward tucked a lock of hair behind my ear reassuringly.

"And we know you can't blush anymore, but no lies!" Emmett was bouncing in his seat. "Jazz will know!" Jasper nodded.

"But there's so many to pick from!" sighed, earning a guffaw from Emmett.

"I'll limit it a little, then," Jasper piped up. "We know pretty much everything that's happened since we met you, so give us one from before then."

I stiffened. Even Edward didn't know all of the humiliating things that had happened before he came into my life! He rubbed my shoulders soothingly.

"Alright, alright. Let's see…it was a Saturday morning, and I woke up around six, like I usually did on weekdays. I got up to go to the bathroom, but I forgot that the bathroom door was closed. I was still half-asleep, and I tripped right in front of the door and ran straight into it. All I remember is waking up on the floor a few minutes later with a huge throbbing in my nose," I paused to let out a deep sigh, and noted that Emmett was holding his sides together to keep the laughter from escaping. "When I went into the kitchen, Renee asked if I dropped something heavy earlier that morning because she heard a really loud noise. Then she got a good look at my face and freaked out…I broke my nose. I had to go to school for almost a month with a screwed up face, and I had to tell everyone that I broke my nose because I ran into a door. That's all."

I covered my face in Edward's chest, and felt as he tried to stifle a chuckle.

He failed miserably.

And no one else even tried to hide their guffaws. Emmett's were loudest, of course, but I didn't think I'd ever heard Rosalie laugh that hard. After everything they knew about me and my self-destructive tendencies, you'd think this wouldn't be as hilarious!

Apparently not.

Even Jacob was rolling around on the floor. "Really, Bells?" he spit out between bursts of laughter. "You couldn't see the door that was right in front of you?"

I just sat and waited for the storm of hilarity to roll over. It did, slowly, and I tried my hardest to compose my face into a mask of indifference.

"Well, I guess now it's my turn," I tried to redirect the activities. I was ready for revenge now. "Jacob. Truth or dare?"

I made contact with Alice as the corner of her mouth drew up in a small smirk. She nodded imperceptibly to let me know that the plan was on the right track. Jake squirmed uncomfortably in his seat as Jasper stared him down, no doubt intimidating him into making the right choice.

"D-d-dare!" he proclaimed, his voice shaking just the slightest bit. Jasper might have overdone the intimidation…

"Excellent!" I smiled. "Now, let me see…" I put my finger to my chin as I pretended to ponder his fate. I made contact with each golden pair of eyes, and finally settled on Alice's. "Alice? Do you by chance have those props you told me about from Halloween a few years ago?"

Each Cullen turned to look at Alice, a few cracking a smile, and others (Emmett…) with looks of confusion on their faces.

"Of course, Bella! I'll get them right away." Alice took off for the stairs.

Jake turned to look at me, his expression uneasy. "What…?"

I took the opportunity to explain to everyone what was about to happen. "Apparently, Alice felt like thoroughly enjoying Halloween a couple years ago. Let's just say she...wanted her and Jazz to...be themselves."

As I finished talking, Alice reappeared at the top of the bottom of the stairs, arms full of black and red fabric and a small duffle bag.

"I know it was cliché," she rolled her eyes. "But it was all on sale, and the irony was just too much! I never even wound up using everything…" she pouted. "For its intended purpose, anyway…" she looked pointedly at Jasper. He looked down, and Edward shifted uncomfortably.

"Alice, please," he begged, looking at her in annoyance. I didn't want to see the images flashing through his head right now.

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Alright, already. What is that stuff?" Jacob leaned toward Alice, trying to get a better look.

"Why don't you go find out, Jake? We'll be waiting out here," I pointed to the bathroom, signaling that he was to go put on the items. "We need to hurry, anyway. I don't want to be out all night."

"Out all night?" Jake grabbed everything out of Alice's hands. "We're going somewhere?"

I shot a glance at Edward, who was trying to hide a smirk.

"Yeah, Jake. That's part of your dare," my tone of voice implied that he should have known that already.

"Why can't you just tell me what it is?" Jake was getting antsy.

"Will you just put the things on, Jacob, so we can go? You're wasting time." I was enjoying this. "Alice? Will you go assist Jake, please?"

Jake stomped off to the bathroom, followed by Alice, who was practically prancing with delight, and the room erupted in whispers.

"We're going out, Bella?"

"Where?"

"What's the dare?"

"Is Jake gonna be in drag?"

I tried to answer all the questions. "Yes, we're going out. To the first bar we find. I'll explain when he gets back. And, no, Emmett, Jacob will not be dressed as a woman."

We waited with mounting excitement for Jake to reenter the room. When he did, there was silence first, then sideways glances, then outright laughter.

When we were deciding what to do for Jacob's prank, we knew it had to be good. But Jake didn't get embarrassed easily, and it was almost unfair to mess with him while he was sleeping. We determined that whatever we did, Jake needed to be conscious, and we had to take advantage of the fact that he was the only werewolf on this trip.

So that's why Jake now stood in front of us with the biggest pout I had ever seen on his face.

Wearing a black cape and plastic vampire fangs.

Alice had done his makeup so that he was almost as pale as the rest of us, with dark circles under his eyes and blood red lips, complete with fake blood dripping from the sides of his mouth. The fangs poked out over his bottom lip as he pouted, and the eyeliner was absolutely perfect.

"Really, Bells?" he glared at me. "I'm going out in public like this?"

After his momentary shock passed, Emmett began guffawing at the top of his lungs, and the rest of the family was quick to join in.

It was hard for me to cover my own peals of laughter, but I managed it for Jake's sake. Edward didn't try as hard, of course.

Jake crossed his arms and continued to pout, waiting for the initial hilarity of the situation to pass.

It took a few moments, but everyone soon quieted down and turned to me for further direction.

"Now that you're dressed, Jacob, it's time finish your dare," I announced. "Is everyone else ready to go out?"

I was greeted with seven nodding heads, so I turned on my heel and started for the door. After a momentary pause, everyone began to follow me.

We all loaded up in the cars, half of us in the Volvo and half in the jeep. Jake was the last to pile in, seeing as how he had drug his feet all the way from the living room, still sullen. His brooding expression added to his vampire facade.

Edward drove down the mountain and to the tiny village at the center of the resort.

After the cars were parked, we all unloaded and walked to the front of the bar, assembling in a huddle under the awning.

"Here's the deal, Jake," I looked over at him as he tried to worm his way to the middle of the group so he wouldn't be seen. "You must remain in character for as long as we're here. I'm talking accent, mannerisms, the way you walk, everything. Got it?"

Jake nodded his head slowly, as though the action caused him actual pain. The group started to head inside, but I stopped them.

"Oh, and one more thing, Jake," I added, earning a dirty look from my best friend. "When we walk in, you must announce your entrance. Play it up, bud, or it won't count. We'll go in first so we can properly judge."

With a few snickers from my family, I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him through the double doors, the rest of the group following.

The bar was pretty full, but not overcrowded. Just right for tonight. We settled ourselves at a large table in the middle of everything so we could watch everything go down.

We were not disappointed. Jake must have mustered some courage alone outside, because his entrance was perfect. Leave it to Jake to go all out.

The double doors flew open with a bang, leaving visible indentions on the walls.

**A/N #2:** Hello again! I'd like to apologize again for the terribly awful delay in this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it – I know it's not my best, but I'm working on it. Honestly, my mind has been on my next story for ages…but I felt like I was cheating on this one with the new one, so I settled by not doing anything at all. Don't tell me…I'm a terrible person. I hope you think my next story is amazing, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I have the rest of this story outlined in my head; I'm just working out the details. I love to incorporate suggestions, so feel free to REVIEW! That's the only way I know people are still reading this story. If you've made it this far with me, you're one of the faithful few! Thank you so much for reading, y'all. Keep checking for updates or add this to your Story Alerts! Bye y'all


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**: Hey y'all! Hope you enjoyed the last chapter. This story is coming to a close – I'd say only a couple more chapters. When I check on the stats for how many hits this story is getting, it's in the hundreds every day. But the last chapter only got 3 reviews…that doesn't really make sense. So please please please review and let me know if you like it! That's the only thing that keeps me going – that, and my lovely beta, ellseigh. She literally spent the night in my dorm last night hounding me to get this done. Hope you enjoy it! See you down below

**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

I realized I forgot the disclaimer on the last chapter, but – as always, Twilight and everything in it belongs to the magnificent Stephenie Meyer. I just get to play with them.

Jake stood in the open doorway, hands on his hips as he puffed his chest out and surveyed the bar.

"I vant to suck your bludd!" he announced in a deep vibrato.

Since the actual bar was facing the other way and it was already pretty loud in the room, Jake's entrance only merited surprised expressions from patrons seated at the tables near the door. Even so, their reactions were priceless.

Jake stepped into the room as the doors slowly began to close again; he spotted our table and began to waltz toward us, arms holding his cape out and swaying with his gait, chin held high.

"This could be entertaining," Edward whispered in my ear. "Think he'll keep it up all night?"

"I can only think of one way to make sure," I whispered back. And then I pushed the weight off my mind and started thinking out loud (literally).

We had chosen a bar as the place for Jacob to make his outing merely because of the crowd of people we knew would be there. I had started thinking, however, that maybe we could use our setting to our advantage. "I'm on it," Edward chuckled, getting up just as Jake reached our table.

"Vas dat goood eenuff vor you?" Jake asked, staring pointedly at me. I smiled.

"Definitely satisfactory. Props on the walk," I nodded. "But remember, you've got to keep this up as long as we're here."

"Seriously, Bells? This is like the most embarrassing costume ever! Like, who in their right mind actually likes vampires?" he spoke with a slight lisp from the plastic fangs, momentarily ditching the accent in his frustration. However, he must have briefly forgotten his audience – the outburst wasn't received well.

"Uhh, w-well, I mean…exzept vor meeee! And everrrybody else!" he corrected, taking a small step back from the table of suddenly offended vampires. I chuckled.

"Don't worry, Jake. I'm fully prepared to make you forget about what other people think…you shouldn't be worried about that anyway," I chided. "Edward?" Luckily my husband was just weaving his way back towards our table.

Carrying two bottles of what looked like vodka.

"Here you go, Jacob! Drink up," Edward said with a smile, handing the bottles to our resident vampire poseur.

"Vat the…vy?" Jake looked first at the bottles, then up at Edward and me, a quizzical expression on his face.

"You need something that will keep you in character," I answered his half-formed question. "And I'm thinking it would take more than a few shots to affect you, so…bottoms up!" Not only was this bound to end in Jake's embarrassment, it also played up the fact that he was the only one of us who could actually feel the effects of alcohol. We weren't about to let that opportunity pass.

"How did you even get the bartender to give you two whole bottles of vodk- wait, never mind. I see," Emmett was looking over Edward's shoulder at the bar. I turned around, the same question now crossing my mind, when I spotted what Emmett was looking at. The bartender.

She was leaning on the bar, head in her hands as she stared dreamily at the back of my husband's head. I stared at the front of it, one eyebrow raised, waiting for my guilty-looking vampire to offer up an excuse.

"She said it was against policy to give me that much alcohol at once," he ducked his head. "But I knew we needed that much because of Jake's tolerance level…So, yeah, I might have been a little persuasive." He looked at me, pleading with me to understand. But I knew all to well the effect my Edward had on women (and even men, in some cases, but let's not go there), and I wasn't about to fault him for it. I lowered my voice so that only he could hear.

"Did you dazzle her?" I asked, a knowing expression on my face.

"Inadvertently, I suppose," my husband grimaced. "But it got you what you needed, right?" I suppose I could have pretended to be upset, but that's not me. I loved him too much.

"Of course, dear," I smiled sweetly, touching his cheek. "You know I would do the same for you." I lightly pecked him on the lips before turning to face the group, ignoring his furrowed brow as he no doubt contemplated me doing what he had just done.

"Alright, Jake, drink up so we can move on!" I pointed at the unopened bottles in his hands. "I'm sure you're ready to take your turn – we're still playing Truth or Dare, remember?" Jake, reluctant to put himself in such a susceptible position under the current circumstances, slowly opened the first bottle and took a sip, wincing at the taste.

We all laughed, and the game of Truth or Dare continued. Edward got Carlisle to admit some pretty humorous pranks he pulled on the Volturi during his time with them, and Rosalie was dared to try to pick up the female bartender (it worked).

As the night wore on, Jacob faithfully continued to drink his vodka. It took a while for it to have any effects, but little by little a slur crept into his accent, and he got louder and louder as the game continued.

We knew it was almost time to leave when Jake got up from the table and began careening around the bar, waving his arms and leaning down to whisper loudly in strangers' ears. "Yeees, I know I am drezzed as a vampiiire, but zere is something you should know!" he informed a middle aged woman. "Zose are real ones! Over zere!" He pointed back at our table. The woman's expression was annoyed at first, but it turned puzzled as she took in our translucent skin and the absence of our own drinks. Edward shifted uncomfortably at my side.

"Is she taking him seriously?" Carlisle asked, a wary expression crossing his face. Edward was about to answer when Jake spoke again.

"Vi'm not kidding! Lucky vor you zey don't eet people! Only animals…" Jake's voice was getting louder. "You zink vi am not telling ze truth? Lady, zere are zome veeeeeird vings in zis world, and you do not know ze half ov it –"

"Code red," Edward announced, standing up from his seat. "We'd better not take this chance." We made our way over to Jake, Esme apologizing for his behavior.

"Alright, there. Let's get you home," she spared an apologetic glance at the startled woman. "He's had a little too much to drink. I hope he hasn't been bothering you?" She smiled sweetly.

"Oh, um, no, not really…" the lady looked uncomfortable as she stared up into seven sets of matching golden eyes. I could hear her heart rate speed up as the wheels in her head started turning.

"Thank goodness!" Alice grabbed Jake's arm, ushering him towards the door. "Let's go, Jacob."

"Vut I vas making a new vriend!" he protested, a pout on his face.

"You have plenty," Jasper muttered, helping Alice get Jake outside. Though he continued to cause a scene as he moved towards the door, Jalice managed to get him out before we were actually asked to leave. Edward and I got one last look at the priceless expressions on the humans' faces before we stepped outside ourselves.

"That was just too good," I smiled, happy with our work. "And he can't even technically blame us! He did it all to himself."

"Let's just get him home before he starts causing a scene out here," Edward cautioned, putting his hand on the small of my back and leading me to the car. The rest of the family occupied putting Jake into the Jeep, Edward put his lips to my ear. "That only leaves Emmett now," he reminded me. "We only have a few days left, and I think I might have come up with the perfect idea."

"Really? I knew Emmett was going to be the tough one…but how can we make sure he doesn't get revenge?" I asked, eager to hear Edward's plan.

"I need to get Alice's opinion before we go through with anything, but I'll tell you my idea when we get back," he smiled in delight. Emmett's prank was the big one, the final test of our ultimate pranking skills. I hadn't been able to come up with a suitable one in my head, but leave it to my husband to serve Emmett with just the right kind of justice. Even though I had no idea what it could be, I knew my Edward.

So I knew it had to be good.

**A/N**: What did you think? I know there wasn't a lot of substance in this chapter, but it was kind of a filler – the next one is Emmett's prank, so get excited! I finally figured out what I want to do. It has promise! Review with your guesses


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Hey y'all! Thank you so so much to my wonderful reviewers. Y'all have NO idea how much I appreciate it - literally makes my life. This story is coming to a close, but I'm already starting on a new one that should be a lot easier to write for me! This one has been tough because I started writing it when I was on a ski trip to Big Sky myself, and inspiration was literally everywhere I looked. Almost two years later, it's hard to find that inspiration on a steaming hot Alabama college campus. (Yes, I know it's November, but the weather down here hasn't really figured out that it should cool down.) Nevertheless, I'm still trucking away on this one! I figure we've got a few chapters left, so try to hang in there! I've finally got everything planned out. I can promise that my next story is going to be the bomb dot com, so add me to author alert so that you can be sure to see it when I get it up!

Another big thanks to my beta, ellseigh. I literally wouldn't get anything done if it weren't for her. Thanks for being all up in my business, girl! I don't know what I'd do without you.

Without further ado, here's Chapter 10!

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, the Cullens and all their antics belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. I, however, am the proud owner of some brand new gold contacts and a spine-broken, highlighted copy of _New Moon_. But I digress.

**Chapter 10**

**BPOV**

Satisfied. That's how I felt when we all arrived back at the chateau. What had started out as a little plan Edward and I had cooked up to have some fun had turned into a masterful scheme that dominated our family vacation. We had Yankee-ified Jasper's study, emptied Alice's closet, dyed Rosalie's hair, and coerced a schmammered Jacob into parading around a bar in full vampire character. Since we had decided to leave Carlisle, Esme, and Renesmee out of the shenanigans, it left us with the crown jewel. Emmett McCarty Cullen.

All along I knew we had to save him for last. That way, he would see us coming, but he wouldn't know exactly who we were, or how to stop us. And with Emmett, it had to be big, just like him. He didn't get embarrassed easily, so even though he would be hitting the slopes in the morning wearing nothing but a hula skirt and coconut bra, that would in no way count as his official comeuppance.

I had been thinking about possibilities for Emmett ever since Edward and I decided to get revenge on the family. However, everything I came up with never seemed to be good enough. Not funny enough, not embarrassing enough, or not worthy enough to be called Emmett's prank. So that's why I was so glad my husband seemed to have a good idea in that pretty head of his.

Since Jasper and Alice had gotten Jacob into the car at the bar, Emmett and Rosalie took their turn and escorted him into the house. Jake was still waving his arms and trying to walk along gracefully, but his speech was slurred. Emmett had to grab him as he continued to stumble up the steps.

Apparently, it was time for Jake to go to bed.

After he passed out on the large mattress in his room, Edward and I ran up to our own suite so that he could finally tell me his epic plan for Emmett. Before he would say a word, however, he shushed me to listen in on Emmett and Rosalie and make sure they were too occupied to be listening in. A grimace crossed Edward's face.

Apparently they _were_ too occupied to be listening in.

Edward opened his mouth to start telling me, and the door flew open, Alice and Jasper darting in silently to sit on our bed. "I am in _love_ with this plan, Edward!" Alice whispered, mischief inherent on her face. Jasper gave me a look that clearly read, "I hope you're as sick of the never-knowing-what's-going-on thing as I am," and we both turned to look at our spouses, crossing our arms in synchronization and raising our eyebrows so that they would get the hint and clue us in. Thank goodness they did.

"Sorry, love," Edward apologized. He leaned in closer, his voice the faintest whisper. "I'm not sure if the rest of you have picked up on this, because you're not in her head, but since the hair incident, Rosalie has developed an aversion to the color blue."

"I overheard her talking to Nessie yesterday," Jasper nodded. "Nessie was talking about how much she enjoyed _Avatar_, and Rose had the most disgusted look on her face. She said something about how she couldn't imagine why anyone could possibly enjoy a movie where the people were actually blue."

"Funny you should bring that up, Jazz," Edward smiled. "What's the best way to get at Emmett? We've got to hit him where it hurts."

The wheels started turning in my head. "…Rosalie?" I asked.

"Exactly." Edward grinned roguishly. "And I've got just the plan to do it."

Our plan was perfect. Emmett would never be able to live this one down, and though he would certainly know it was us behind it, that didn't really matter anymore because he was the last one on our list. Everything was ready, and now all the four of us had to do was sit in the living room and wait.

We had spent another day on the slopes, and it was about 10:00 or 11:00 at night. Renesmee was already asleep, and Jacob, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Edward and I were hanging out in the living room, watching TV and chatting. Jake had recovered from his night out, of course, but we still poked fun at him. Esme had even thought to grab her camera, so we had adequate documentation of the event. For posterity, you know. Everything was pretty calm and quiet; no one was really paying attention to what was going on upstairs. Until…

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF- YOU FREAK! WHY ARE YOU-? IS THIS A JOKE? YOU THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE **FUNNY**, IS THAT IT? EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, YOU HAVE FINALLY **TOTALLY** LOST YOUR MIND!" Rosalie's screams were irate. "DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK YOU LOOK **SEXY** RIGHT NOW? WELL, HERE'S SOME NEWS FOR YOU, BUDDY – I'M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE _**NEAR**_ YOU UNTIL I HAVE SCRUBBED MY MIND AND YOU HAVE SCRUBBED YOUR BODY! AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN!" We heard Emmett trying to fix the situation with a bunch of "But Rose-"s and "I thought you would like it"s, but there was really no point. Guess that means our plan worked… All of our heads jerked up at the start of the commotion, and two seconds later Rosalie tore down the stairs, a furious disgusted expression on her face. She was out the door before anyone could ask what was the matter, and at the slam of the door we all turned to look back at the top of the stairs, just as Emmett was hustling down them.

Did I mention he was blue?

Imagine a creature from the movie _Avatar_. Keep the height, and add about 100 pounds of muscle. That's what we were looking at. Complete with loincloth.

Emmett skidded to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, clearly not expecting the audience. His expression was first startled, then embarrassed, then indignant as he crossed his arms over his chest. None of us could find our words at the moment.

"Well, don't just sit there staring at me! Have you never seen a blue person before?" he raised his chin, trying to act like this was no big deal. Instead of answering his question (because no, obviously we had never seen a blue person), the seven of us began to laugh uproariously. "Hmpf. Well. If you don't _mind_, I'm going to go speak with my wife." Emmett gathered up his pride and marched out the door.

Once we had all quieted down, Esme looked over at us. "I feel like you four might know what that was about," she narrowed her eyes mischievously. "Would you care to share why my son is blue?"

There was no point in lying; the game was over and we were more than happy to claim credit for our crimes. "Rose hated that movie, _Avatar_," Edward explained. "She never really admitted it to anyone though because the real reason was that the Na'vi freaked her out."

"Besides, she hasn't really been psyched about things that are blue lately," I added.

"I can't imagine why," Alice giggled.

"So you painted him blue?" Carlisle asked, his expression skeptical.

"Eh, painted, dyed…what's the difference?" Jasper mused, smiling at Alice.

"You _dyed_ his skin?" Esme gasped incredulously. "Will it ever come off?"

"It will take a while," Edward chuckled. "But eventually, yes."

"How did you manage to talk him into that?" Jake asked.

"Well, Emmett has always taken Edward's opinion pretty seriously," I explained. "He's a pretty trusting guy. So when Edward mentioned that he overheard Rose's thoughts concerning a certain…fantasy," I averted my eyes, "Emmett was unable to resist."

"He came to me asking for help, of course," Alice snickered. "And I was more than willing to assist."

"Unfortunately for Emmett, Rose didn't react the way he hoped she would…" Edward summarized. I could only imagine her reaction when she saw Emmett in the doorway, probably in some sort of "sexy" pose.

"So that means you four have been behind all of these pranks, then?" Esme got right down to the point.

"Well, they couldn't have been behind all of them, dear," Carlisle pointed out. "Remember, Jasper and Alice got pranked first."

All eyes shifted to my husband and me. We grinned devilishly.

"That would be correct," Alice pursed her lips. "We joined the cause _later_."

"I must admit, I didn't see this one coming from you, Bella," Carlisle's eyes widened in disbelief.

"But well played!" Esme chimed in, leaning forward and bowing her head in mock admiration.

"Yeah, touché!" Jacob agreed.

"I think it was about time Bella stood up for herself," Alice decided. "Again, welcome to the family." She smiled widely.

"I'm just glad no one got really mad over any of it," I admitted, looking up at Edward. "It was all done in good fun."

"Well, it has yet to be seen if anyone will be really mad," Jasper pointed out. "Emmett and Rose aren't back yet."

"Yeah, and you can bet he won't be happy when he finds out he won't be able to have any more 'hot tub fun' until the dye wears off," Jake chuckled.

"He deserves to suffer just a little longer, I think," I settled back into Edward's chest, proud of our hard work.

We had done it. I was an official pranking member of the Cullen clan, and I couldn't be happier. But the trip wasn't over yet…

**A/N**: What did you think? Probably one or two chapters left…I'm pretty sure about what's going to happen next, but if you have any ideas, please let me know! As always, reviews are GREATLY APPRECIATED. And if you don't leave them, I'll sic a sexually frustrated/blue Emmett on you.


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